Can't find the nerves to break up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Can't find the nerves to break up
13
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 11:15pm

Hi everyone,

I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now. Nothing is going "wrong" exactly, but I just don't seem to have the feelings I once did for him. I care about him so much- he's a wonderful guy and I would never want to hurt him.
I find myself attracted to other men and I don't long for him like I used to. I don't know if this is a maturity issue for me or if he's just not the one. He told me that I was the one for him and it just made me feel horrible because I'm not as certain about our relationship as he is.

My feeling is that I need to break it off because he should be with someone who does have those feelings for him. But when I think of him with someone else, I get horribly upset.

Maybe we should have time apart? How do I suggest this without hurting him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 6:01pm
But it's not a circumstance where I am not interested in him but can't find the nerves to break it off. I'm not tagging him along because I really do care about him and when we're together I love being with him. I'm just confused as to why I don't have a "yearning" for him as he seems to for me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 6:26pm

See curious, you have answered your own question, you love being with him but to him it appears that you love him . Until you make things clear to him he wouldn't be able to figure that out. I would recommend you should make things clear with him and take a short break off the relation and see where things go on from that. If you still develop feelings for him you can always go back but by telling him your true feelings, the guy would be clear and can move on. Be prepared for by the time you get back to him and if he has already moved on, that means this relationship was never meant to be.

Last night I got a email from my EX, that whatever we have/had between us , its over. Now it put me in a right perspective.

Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 7:56pm
Yep. I do believe someone out there will fulfill most of your desires in regards to mating and as a primary companion. Soul mate if we must. How could there be more than one lucky someone to share this awesome connection. Imagine juggling revelations of your deepest being with two. Finishing your sentences in, what, "concert." Having dual support in the happiest and saddest moments. Which one gets to be there first and who goes second. What is sadly lost in our "go for it all no matter the cost" society are these simple pleasures. To be "almost" completely understood by another human being. And loved for exactly the way we are. It is a comfort rarely seen, but palpable on those rare sitings. When I am in the presence of a couple with this loving connection I feel joy. I have yet to be in the presence of a threesome generating this same energy all around. Think about it. Your issue may be within you and solving it by rationalizing the possibilities you present is no answer at all. You will one day make an awesome mate to someone. Why? Because you are seeking answers for your life. These types of questions involving the man you are with now has two possible motivations. Either you are not settled in yourself or he not the right guy. I have no way of knowing which case yours is. Your gut(intuition)knows and is helping you resolve it. "Follow your heart,..." Life IS perfect.

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