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Can't leave...
| Tue, 04-18-2006 - 3:44pm |
Help! I have been in a relationship for 2 years with someone I really enjoy spending time with. We have a lot of fun and are very attracted to each other physically and mentally! There is one huge problem though.... he wont leave his children's mother. When I started seeing him, he had just come out of a relationship with her, or so I thought. However, about 3-4 months into the relationship he started struggling with his decision to leave her and started to think about going back. Eventually he did. At first he was back and forth a lot with his decision and would leave and go back a lot. Eventually they bought a house (just in her name) and he begin to stay there consistantly. We fought with breaking up again and again. When things got to the lowest point between us, he started to tell me how much he loved me and how much I meant to him and that he didn't want to lose me. He said he was going to leave so that he could give me his all. Well 2 years later, he still hasn't left. He will tell me to give him time and be patient because he wants to be together. I went through so much with this relationship!! I went from being my best to hitting rock bottom and now beginning to get back to who I was when we met. I do love him very, very much and I really wish things could have worked. However, I am not starting to feel like a fool and I know he isn't going to leave, especially with me enabling him to be there and see me too. I don't want this. I want so much more from a relationship and I really thought we had that kinda love that could get through this. I am beginning to wonder how wrong I could have been. When I try to leave we end up in a huge blow out fight where very mean things are said and we always end up making up and telling each other how much we love each other, miss each other and want to be together. He will seem quite sincere like he doesn't want to lose me, but then a week down the road, he is back to seeming like he isn't going to leave. Help! I can't seem to break this cycle!! It hurts to be without him, but it hurts more some times knowing he is still giving his energy to her! I want a resolution and I don't know how to get one...

Sure he doesn't want to lose you, he gets the best of both world, probably two women to sleep with, adore him, etc.
One day you will wake up and wonder why you 'believed', why you waited, and why you wasted so much time.
He will stay with you, with one foot in both relationships as long as you allow it. Sorry for your pain.
Carrie
well this is all up to you...let me ask you something answer this question to yourself honestly.....ARE YOU HAPPY THAT YOU ARE HIS SECOND CHOICE? IS THIS KINDA RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU WANT?
LIKE I SAID THIS ALL UP TO YOU. DO WHAT YOU THINK MAKES YOU HAPPY? GOOD LUCK DEAR AND GOD BLESS YOU!
Edited 4/19/2006 1:36 pm ET by jjjj2004
actually everybody goes on that situation. let me tell you something this person that i know is kinda similar with your story. the guy is married and he date her also at the same time. he actually do same excuses like your bf. just wait and be patience. it been 10yrs same BS. i guess she got tired and ask him one last question. well at the end he still choose the wife. well this IS very HARD IN HER SITUATION IMAGINE FOR 10YRS....WOW RIGHT. ACTUALLY SHE DOING OKAY NOW SHE MAKE HER SELF BUSY AND THE GUY STILL BEGGING. BUT SHE START IGNORING HIM AND WHAT SHE TOLD ME. SHE FEEL WEIRD WENT THEY MET AGAIN AFTER THE BREAK UP. THE WAY SHE LOOK AT HIM IS NOT LIKE BEFORE THAT HIS GORDEOUS AND EVERYTHING. HE WAS TRYING TO KISS HER AND HUG HER. BUT SHE FEEL NASTY NOW. I GUESS THATS THE WAY IT IS.
IF ARE FEELING IS TOTALLY FADED WE START SEEING THE TRUTH. SO DONT WORRY IT WILL TAKE TIME. LIKE YOU MENTION YOU ARE EDUCATED AND ATTRACTIVE. ONEDAY YOU WILL FIND THE RIGHT ONE JUST BE PATIENCE. OR MAYBE YOU ALREADY MET HIM. BUT YOU ARE BLIND WITH YOUR BF AND YOU DONT OPEN YOUR EYES. YOU NEVER KNOW.
GOOD LUCK DEAR