can't let go
Find a Conversation
can't let go
| Thu, 12-01-2005 - 4:57pm |
Does anyone go through this? Is this normal? I know I need to move on and stop thinking about my ex and I was doing fine trying my best to think about all the reasons why he is not right for me. That I should be happy that he has found someone new to love. But now I want him back. I am thinking maybe if I can try harder he will take me back because I didn't try hard enough and I seemed indifferent before. I want so much to call him and tell him how I miss him. Why am I in such denial? I don't understand these waves of emotions and thoughts. Is this a part of the healing process?

This book helped me...I made it 60 days no contact which is what they recommend.
It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken : The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy (Hardcover)
by Greg Behrendt, Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
If He's Just Not That into You told a woman how to spot a man who's not really interested in a relationship with her—and how to deal with it proactively—this follow-up is for those, male and female, who've been blindsided by a breakup after thinking Everything Is Fine. Speaking less this time from a guy's perspective and more as someone who has been dumped and survived, Behrendt tackles the often inevitable symptoms of a broken attachment: the obsessive thinking (and calling and e-mailing), the crying, the debilitating depression (and its effects on one's job performance), the crazy acting-out, the food and spending issues, the friend burnout. This time, Behrendt is aided by his wife, who offers her own breakup stories, with the two together serving as a constant reminder that one can love again. The book is padded with not-so-funny vignettes, and anecdotal letters from readers are answered in a rather wearying Dear Abby style. There's little new or insightful, but Behrendt's frankness—never too harsh—is as winning as ever, and the title is catchy. Everything is more or less in place for this burgeoning franchise.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From Booklist
Behrendt, coauthor of the wildly popular dating guide He's Just Not That into You (2004), teams up with his wife to offer a how-to guide for coping when a relationship goes south. Both Greg and his wife, Amiira, went through extremely traumatic, drawn-out breakups before finding happiness with each other, and they share the stories of what they did wrong (and what they eventually did right) as they go through the basics of how to survive a breakup: stop calling him or waiting for him to call, don't sit at home moping, avoid wearing sweats (unless exercising), and find a friend to help you through it. They also include letters seeking advice and Greg's responses to them, breakup horror stories, and "psycho confessionals," real tales of women who went too far in reacting to a breakup. The authors take a lighthearted and positive tone throughout their boisterous guide; expect demand from the many readers who made He's Just Not That into You a hit. Kristine Huntley
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
I agree, def read the book. Also "You're Not That really Into Him" is a good read too.
My advice to you is not to contact him..What you're going through is part of the healing process. I know its so hard and so much easier said then done but a few months back I was in your position. I would break down & call or text him when I missed him late at night, esp when I thought about our relationship and how I could be a better gf to him. Then the next day I'd be like "what was I thinking I made a fool out of myself" But what it comes down to was me accepting that if he really wanted to be with me, if he wanted a relationsihp with me, if he really loved me... he would call ME.
My ex moved on really quickly and it sounds like yours did too. I'm sorry because I know how bad it hurts, but try not to contact him. It may seem like a good idea at the time but you'll regret it. Hang in there, it gets easier I promise.
Best of luck & keep posting.
Did you try writing down the reasons you're not right for each other? Making a set of index cards with one reason per card is a really helpful tool. As time passes, the bad memories tend to fade leaving only the good. Having the bd stuff in writing is a really effective way of reminding yourself.
Have a look at the post called "Thought Stopping" for more details on the index card technique. And I highly recommend the Greg Behrendt book as well.
Sheri
The new girl could just be a rebound relationship.
Pinky's advice:
Think of your relationship like a big house that has been demolished. What do you do next? You can't live in the house any more! So you decide to clear up the mess (emotion), brick by brick, it takes a bit of time, but you liked living in that big house so you guess it's worth the effort. Then there's a big hole in the ground that needs to be filled up again. You start this process by making new friends who are happy to help you rebuild your new big house, so it's bigger and better than it was before.
Your ex has decided that he's going to build on top of all the rubble (denial), he/she can't be bothered to take time out to clear up all the mess. So off he/she goes, building on top of the old house. He/She acknowledges that the structure is a little wobbly but he/she says that it will do for him right now.
The storm hits. Guess whose house is still standing?
Your house is built on a solid foundation. His/Her house is a big fake "paper house", yours a big strong stone structure. Now tell me who's going to have the better future?
It's up to you to decide.
Carrie
There may well be more good stuff than bad...that's not the point of the exercise. It's to remember WHY you broke up and why you're not right for each other. Sometimes it's as simple "he didn't want to be with me, therefore we're not right for each other". He may well be a good guy...but at the end of the day, he's not the right guy for YOU.
And even if you did make mistakes at the beginning...someone who was right for you would have been ok with that.
Yes, it IS hard to let go of someone you care about...I don't mean to downplay that...but the alternative to letting go is to stay stuck in pain.
Sheri