Can't let go since he's still holding me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2006
Can't let go since he's still holding me
3
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 11:03pm
My boyfriend of almost a year and I broke up about 2 months ago. However, I am still desperately in love with him and he tells me he loves me, but he also talks about this girl he knows and how they have hung out a couple times. Also, he acknowlledges that no one will have the same thing that I had with him. 2 weeks ago, we were chilling and we ended up fooling around. Then the next day we hooked up again. At work the next week, though, he completely ignored me. Today, though we kissed again. What the hell does he want from me? All I want is for him to put his head in my hair and tell me he loves me and know that it is in the way that I want him to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 12:23am
Apparently he wants from you what you are giving him. I know it hurts but you two did break up. Stop playing the girlfriend roll with out getting the girlfriend respect. It's heartbreaking I know, but I'm honestly surprised that you are sad and pining after this guy, I'd be absolutely pissed! Almost a year together and he dumps you to get a shot at scewing another girl. But, he's too wussy and spineless to do it at the expense of risking actually losing you so he's keeping you on just enough hope that you'll stick around and let him use you. I'd be beligerent, because he "tells me he loves me", and the way he is treating you so disrespectfully and carelessly is anything BUT how a man in love acts. Maybe I'm weird though because I see it in black and white, either you want to be with me or you don't, there is no half ass. Maybe *I'd* be the foolish one for turning my hurt into anger. Maybe it would be wrong of me thinking our relationship meant more than it obviously did to him in that he could disregard me and my feelings so easily when it suited his lusty urges.


Edited 5/4/2006 12:24 am ET by dansfoxywife

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 12:25am

It sounds like he wants the benefits of your company and to have the ego boost of your attention, but none of the obligations of being in a relationship. He's a "cake eater" in other words...he wants to have his cake and eat it too. And so long as you let him, this will go on indefinitely (or until he gets all caught up with another woman). It's up to you to say, "this isn't enough for me...call me if and when you are sure you want to get back together, but until then, I need you to leave me alone".

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 12:59pm

"What the hell does he want from me?"

Sex, attention and affection, no strings attached.

If you want to change the dynamics of this situation, you are going to have to be the one to set boundaries and be strong.


Carrie