Can't seem to let go
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| Mon, 06-19-2006 - 10:47am |
This if my first post to this board, but i have read other posts and found great support in just seeing that there are others that feel the same way that i do.
a little background....i am a 32 year old, divorced mother of 2 small children. My XH left a little over 2 years ago. About 8 months after he left, right around the time my divorce was final, I met a man online who was a in a similar situation as mine. His x was very similar to mine and we had a lot in common with that and our single parenting situations. We dated for almost one year and things went up and down. We had many things stacked against us from the start, we both had custody issues, we both had demanding jobs, and we live about 45 minutes apart. He was a huge support to me though and really helped me to regain my self-esteem after a long, somewhat verbally abusive relationship with my XH.
over time though, the relationship didn't really progress. we loved each other deeply, but i just knew that our circumstances would almost always keep us apart. he couldn't be there for me and my kids the way that i needed, so i told him so. we tried for sometime to continue on, to try to make things work, but it has just gotten worse and worse. him not calling, me left wanting and wishing. i feel worse now than i did with my divorce. most likely b/c i truly loved him.
my issue is this, i have tried to move on. i have dated one man, who is nice and sweet and has none of the complications that were in the other relationship, but it is just not there for me. i know that this is ok and that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but i am bordering on obsessed with this previous relationship. i feel like if i just want it bad enough, i can make it work. then today, i go out to this single parent website that him and i met on. kind of out of sick curiousity and lo and behold, he has a new profile out there. i am crushed.
sorry to ramble on so long....
thank you for listening. i know that i need to move on and let myself heal. i am hoping that posting here will help me with that.

....."It sounds stupid but he is everything I could ever want, and everything I would never want, all rolled up into one. I'm going on the 4th day of no contact and when something reminds me of him I feel actual physical pain. My stomach is in knots and I can't imagine what my first reaction will be when I find out he has started dating because I know it will happen.".....
You and I are in a similar situtation except I wasn't engaged (thank God). I am on my third day of no contact and it is killing me because I don't have answers on why he is not returning my calls or don't want to be with me. I wish you the best and spend some special time with your daughter. I find that my daughter is a great healer.
Good Luck!