Can't seem to let go

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Can't seem to let go
5
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 10:47am

This if my first post to this board, but i have read other posts and found great support in just seeing that there are others that feel the same way that i do.

a little background....i am a 32 year old, divorced mother of 2 small children. My XH left a little over 2 years ago. About 8 months after he left, right around the time my divorce was final, I met a man online who was a in a similar situation as mine. His x was very similar to mine and we had a lot in common with that and our single parenting situations. We dated for almost one year and things went up and down. We had many things stacked against us from the start, we both had custody issues, we both had demanding jobs, and we live about 45 minutes apart. He was a huge support to me though and really helped me to regain my self-esteem after a long, somewhat verbally abusive relationship with my XH.

over time though, the relationship didn't really progress. we loved each other deeply, but i just knew that our circumstances would almost always keep us apart. he couldn't be there for me and my kids the way that i needed, so i told him so. we tried for sometime to continue on, to try to make things work, but it has just gotten worse and worse. him not calling, me left wanting and wishing. i feel worse now than i did with my divorce. most likely b/c i truly loved him.

my issue is this, i have tried to move on. i have dated one man, who is nice and sweet and has none of the complications that were in the other relationship, but it is just not there for me. i know that this is ok and that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but i am bordering on obsessed with this previous relationship. i feel like if i just want it bad enough, i can make it work. then today, i go out to this single parent website that him and i met on. kind of out of sick curiousity and lo and behold, he has a new profile out there. i am crushed.

sorry to ramble on so long....

thank you for listening. i know that i need to move on and let myself heal. i am hoping that posting here will help me with that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 11:57am
I am in similar situation as you. I am in the process of calling it quits with my boyfriend because he has not been there for me latley and just doesn't seem to care about me after being together for 8 months. I am also a single mom and my advice to you is what I plan on doing after I call it quits with my worthless boyfriend which will be very soon is to take some time for yourself and children and just concentrate on healing your heart and try not to get emotional around your children about this. My poor daughter has seen me break down and cry twice over my ex-to-be and it just isn't fair to her. Maybe you should still go out but not get involved with anyone but just go out as friends and see where it leads. Time will heal!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 12:44pm
I'm in the same situation. I am a 33 year old single mom & I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years. We were even engaged once. My daughter, who is 11, has seen me cry so many times. She calls him Prince Alarming. He has so many problems and I have had to MAKE myself realize that I can't fix them (alcohol, bad temper). I've tried and tried to make it work. I've also broken up with him before and tried to date, which I was a miserable failure at. Everybody says I'm obsessed with him and I know they are right. I truly love this man, even more than I loved my exhusband (married 11 years). It sounds stupid but he is everything I could ever want, and everything I would never want, all rolled up into one. I'm going on the 4th day of no contact and when something reminds me of him I feel actual physical pain. My stomach is in knots and I can't imagine what my first reaction will be when I find out he has started dating because I know it will happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 1:08pm

....."It sounds stupid but he is everything I could ever want, and everything I would never want, all rolled up into one. I'm going on the 4th day of no contact and when something reminds me of him I feel actual physical pain. My stomach is in knots and I can't imagine what my first reaction will be when I find out he has started dating because I know it will happen.".....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 1:18pm
You are completely correct. I need someone who does not take me for granted and I know he does/did. He has an 11 yr old son, who I also love very much, and it will be hard not seeing him any more. His mother has custody and I really thank god she does. I'm mourning the loss of this relationship like I would if someone close to me died, however it really is for the best. I appreciate your response & the other things you have written.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 1:51pm

You and I are in a similar situtation except I wasn't engaged (thank God). I am on my third day of no contact and it is killing me because I don't have answers on why he is not returning my calls or don't want to be with me. I wish you the best and spend some special time with your daughter. I find that my daughter is a great healer.

Good Luck!