Can't seem to move on
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| Fri, 06-17-2005 - 8:22pm |
Hi everyone,
I've been to this board so many times but never seeemed to have the courage to write anything. I guess I didn't know where to start. It seems like so many of us are going thru the same emotional rollercoaster in dealing with our heartbreaks.
I'm alone in my apartment and I just can't stop thinking of my ex. I am soooo utterly drained and depressed. I know I should be out with friends having a good time, but I know I won't be able to because I will be constantly thinking of him and what he is doing and who he is with. It's been four months since I last saw him. And to tell you the truth I just don't know what went wrong. We have been dating for almost two years on and off. He always told me he wasn't ready for a serious relationship and he wanted to take things slow. And so we did. I never pushed him, never nagged him, never pressured him or even bombard him with questions about us. We hung out and just had fun. I went with the flow and I guess eventually I thought things would progress into something more. I was wrong. I was the girl who he had on the back burner...He never officially ended things with me--I guess he never had the balls to. He would just disappear and leave me wondering...he did this several times, but like a fool, I always went back to him and he was always the one to push me away.
He has been the only one I've been with. The last time we saw eachother, he took me out to dinner and I thought we had an amazing time and he said he would call and I never heard back from him. I emailed him a few times to hang out but he was filled with excuses. I finally got the hint and stopped contact. But after 3-4 months has passes I made the mistake to contact him....don't know why, was just wondering if he completely forgot about me, if he ever thought of me......It was a stupid mistake and I feel like an utter fool. I emailed him and he responded. He told me he was busy getting ready to go away on vacation. Well he's been back for a week now and I guess I was hoping that he would contact me. Things didn't end on a bad note between us but for some reason his reaction tells me he's wants nothing to do with me and I guess I'm just wondering why? How can his feeling for me change so drastically. It's like I leave a bad taste in his mouth.
Anyhow, during the past 3-4 months I think of him EVERYDAY. He's my drug and I'm addicted to him. I just can't let go, I just can't turn my feelings off, I can't get him out of my system, can't move on, can't stop crying.... I'm so depressed because he is all I want. I want to be with him so badly and I don't know what went wrong and it's just not fair for him to leave me in limbo like this.....
So I'm sitting here drinking wine hoping that I will get drunk enough and pass out and then for a brief moment I won't be haunted by him.
I know he has moved on and I know he doesn't even think of me---if he did he would call like he used to, he would show interest like he used to....just don't know what has changed, what went wrong.....
Please I need some encouraging words and advice....I think I'm going to go crazy....
J.

I sorry for what you're going through...but maybe what changed is that he finally realized what a crappy thing it was he was doing to you, keeping you hanging on in a r'ship he knew had no chance of going anywhere, when he knew you wanted more. That doesn't mean you're not a good person, or that it was wrong of you to want more, just that the two of you weren't right for each other.
I'd suggest that you try the thought-stopping technique that I've posted about recently...it's a little further down the board, but I'll pull it up for you. It takes practice, but it *does* help if you work at it.
I'd also suggest focusing on the reasons you're not right for each other. You can love someone very much but if the two of you don't want the same things, it's not going to work.
Sheri
Don't be so hard on yourself for sending your ex an email, and him not replying: it was a reflection on him, not you. And remember that just as with yourself, he too is moving on with his life.
However, knowing now, as hard as it may be to understand and accept, that he is not showing much interest in contact, save yourself from the enevitable feelings of breaking up all over again when the calls and emails stop, and make a plan to put all of the time and energy you are spending on thinking about him into taking care of yourself.
It is only natural you will be feeling hurt and confused at this time, but any thoughts of keeping in touch will only increase those feelings, not help to erase them.
Hi J,
I was in your position and I broke things off but I have been left out to dry without being told why or what happened. Just try to remember that him being a jerk just makes him a jerk - it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. I undersand where you're coming from and I'm struggling with it myself - wondering where he is and what he's doing but it's important to try to stop thinking about it and him. I know it's hard but I recommend sleeping alot...and eating. I couldn't eat for days and I was crying for days and the second I got up and starting moving and living and cleaning and eating and all that stuff, I felt better...my mind runs wild sometimes and I am an overanalytical wierdo so I know it's really hard to just move on, but just trying to take care of yourself one minute at a time will help and hopefully, eventually, you'll be able to move on.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are not doing anything abnormal. If you read these posting, you will find yourself reading the feelings and emotions of people who have a broken heart, and have done the same thing you have. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! THAT"S FOR SURE!!! It's going to take you some time to get over this, and we all feel and know your pain. It's hard to see the end of the road, because right now you don't see the light, but there is one, you just have to find the light, at your own pace. That is the key, find inner peace at your pace. It will not go away overnight, the next day, next week, or next month, until your mind and heart find each other. Right now, the heart is working overdrive, and the mind knows, it's better to leave him alone, and move on. It's not easy, and I guarantee you, your going to have good days and bad. But in time, the bad days are far and inbetween. You just have to be patient, and it's the hardiest thing to do. I'm still in recovery, after 7 mos, and I still have good and bad days. But I'm much better than I was 5 mos ago. I keep telling myself, one day this will all be over. When that happens, I don't know, but each painful memory, is a learning lesson for the next time around. Try and do what makes you feel good. I know I love to buy shoes, but you can only do that so much, before your broke!!! I have enough pair of shoes that would last a life time, but it is only a temporary fix, and so now I'm working on myself, and I joined CURVES, the woman's gym, and I just love it!! It makes me feel good, and I'm determined more that ever to lose my 20 pds, I promised myself, so time ago.
This time by yourself, crying, and feeling sad, is opening the door, for you to find yourself, and fix and mend your heart. This will be over, you have to believe that, I know I do. Take care of yourself, and please try to maintain NO CONTACT. It opens the wound, and you will never heal your heart. I made the mistake of calling sometime ago, and it was big mistake, and it took me waaaaaaayyyy back!!! Learn from it, and everytime you think about calling, think about how you felt when you did call. It's a bad feeling. Been there and done that!!! Maintain your dignity, and hold onto your pride, that's all we have left. Take care, girl!!!