cant stop obsessing. feel sick. please r
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| Wed, 11-30-2005 - 9:13am |
bf of almost two years broke up with me because we were having a string of relationship troubles we were having. he said he loved me so much, but blamed it on those issues as to why he didn't see us having a future. during that time i suspected he had a flirtation with a collegue. it used to make me crazy to think thats why he wanted "space" and thats why he wanted "to be on his own". i didn't get how someone could say they loved me so much, more then anything, but they didn't want to be with anyone. they wanted to be on their own. inside i felt like it had everything to do with the other girl. not our relationship issues, but his need for freedom, etc. anyway, we have been broken up only a couple of weeks and i know a girl he works with. i told her what i suspected and she said she hadn't noticed anything but would keep an eye out. well i spoke to her yesterday and she said at first she hadn't seen anything, but then last friday she noticed he went up to her and said, "hey it looks like someone is working out" and started to feel her muscles, fine that didn't bother me, but she also said yesterday she saw him coming down the hall, see the other girl from behind, kick her in the back of the leg (in a sweet way) and they started talking really close, alot of head tilting hair flipping and smiling on both ends. she said my bf was being very flirtatious and the girl was flirting back. it was very mutual. anyway, that set me back so much. I was hysterical all night. my sister said "OF COURSE she is going to see things. you planted the seed in her head and now anytime she sees them talking, even if its innocent flirting which people sometimes do, its going to seem like a huge deal and she is going to hone in it on" to an extent i agree. but now i just feel like it confirms my worst fears. what do you think? do you think i planted the seed and now she is going to take everything they do as "something" or do you think there is something going on. i KNOW it shouldn't matter because we are broken up, and i know its not my business anymore, but i asked him the last time we spoke if there was anything going on between the two of them and he told me he liked talking to her. he liked it alot, she was his friend, just like men he works with but no one notices that because they are guys. he told me he had no romantic feelings for this girl.
what do you all think? i am wondering, if someone told you she thought something was going on between two people at work and to keep your eye out, do you think you would be more hypersensitive to any talking or interaction they were having? or do you think i have to accept that something is going on with him and the girl even though he says different. AGAIN, i KNOW it doesn't matter and i need to move on, but i hate to feel i was lied to as well as dumped and broken hearted

My best advice, assume you were lied to. He probably wanted to explore this relationship even if he didn't consciously know it in the moment. And don't deny your own gut feeling about the sitation from the beginning.
Sorry but touching someone, feeling their muscles is not something I would do with a co-worker whether or not I was in a relationship - it crossed the boundary into something more intimate - Just my opinion.
Carrie
Carrie
Regardless of whether he is being truthful or not...He is moving on and the OP needs to do likewise.
To the OP -- tell your friend to STOP giving you reports as to what your ex is doing. It serves no purpose other that to make you crazy. You can't control what he does, thinks, says, or feels. Trust me, the only person who this hurts is you. Start practicing no contact -- that also means third party contact. This is not a rule, or a magic potion, or a punishment. It simply means any time that you know what he is up to is damaging to you -- so therefore you must stop the information. Having your friend measure him up is demeaning to you, to her, and to him. There are better thing waiting out there...seize upon that.