Caught off guard
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| Mon, 12-13-2004 - 8:53am |
My boyfriend and I had been together for 10 months and during that time we moved quickly. We had gone out briefly before so after a four year separation we got back together. We realized how lucky we were to have found each other again and despite my own fears, he spent a lot of time convincing me that this was the real thing and that we had a solid future. We spent a lot of time together, despite the fact that we lived a few hours apart. During that time, we were always honest with each other and we spent so much time planning our future. We talked about getting married, tried on engagement rings, talked about how many kids we wanted and even what we would name them.
I know it sounds like it was fast but we were so comfortable with each other and sure of where we were going. Then about 2 weeks ago he called to say that he was feeling bored in our relationship. He's done this in other serious relationships, each time saying he was bored and then pulling away. I told him that he had a choice, he could try and not fall into that habit or he could and lose me. He said he would try and that he didn't want to lose me. Well then a couple of days ago he called and said he just couldn't do it. To be honest, I feel like he bailed on me just when things were difficult. He says he should not ever be bored in a relationship and despite the fact that for 10 months he was happy and satisfied it isn't enough. I'm hurt and angry because he spent so much time convincing me that it was ok to trust in him and us, that he would never hurt me, and that he wanted to marry me. I mean, why say those things if you are just going to bail? I know that this is something that he does, he jumps in, and then the moment things get really comfortable he says he's bored. I know that this is obviously an issue with him but how am I supposed to react? I put all my trust in this person, believed in his promises, and shared in our dreams. And now i feel like they were just words, like for him it was some sort of game to see if he could get me to believe. I know that there will be other guys for me, but I'm so terrified of believing anything someone says because it seems like guys just dont mean it. And on top of it, I miss him and can't help but wish we were together. I know that that's not possible because he's broken my trust, how can i believe anything he says ever again?
Has anyone else gone through this? How did you recover from it? My friends tell me that I should just forget about him but that's always easier said than done. I have to try and undo months of planning for a future that he just took away from me. Any suggestions on how to move on will be much appreciated.

It's going to take time. You almost have to grieve for the death of the relationship that never was more than talk. He talked a big game, talked about marriage and a future and kids, the works, but when it came to action, he got "bored"?!? And instead of doing something to perk things up or add some excitement, he bails. That's really just flat out immaturity. What does he expect life to be one big constant euphoric joyride?
"He says he should not ever be bored in a relationship"
People who are bored are borING. The fact that he says he's bored and therefore the relationship is over just proves that he never was really that into you. He doesn't view you or the relationship worth the effort of change and excitement and anything done BY HIM!
At least you didn't waste years being strung along, given excuse after excuse, just enough to stop you from leaving. This guy took the cowards road out of the relationship, but in doing so, left you wide open for a real man. One who deserves you.