cheating on fiance
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| Tue, 02-13-2007 - 10:24pm |
Hi, I'm new to the board, even though I'm not technically "new" to this heartache.
My bf of 3 years and I have broken up almost 2 years ago, and I don't know why I still think of him every day. He was my first love, my first best friend, and the person I thought was my soulmate. However, he never loved me back the way I loved him. I've been the first one I know to break up with a guy I love, even though it caused me so much pain, because he did not love me back. In the past 2 years, he's tried calling, emailing, texting, and messaging me, but I blocked all contact with him. Just talking with him hurts me even more, bc it gives me false hope of a relationship when I know we can never work out. I would have gone back to him if he tried harder, after all, he only lived 20 minutes from my house, but never once did he come by to see me or send me flowers or letters.
After we broke up, I met a new guy, who truly loves me. There is no greater love a man can show for a woman than what he shows me. I've never know what it was like to be loved until I met him. He says I am his first love, his best friend, his soulmate (everything that I hoped my first bf would be). He is everything a girl could wish for - cute, funny, educated, career-oriented, and romantic. My friends are very envious of me.
He proposed to me a year after meeting me and I said yes. Our wedding date is this summer. However, I still think of my ex everyday, and tonight I am crying bc I miss him. It hurts to block him from my life when we shared so much together. It hurts to block off a person who I care so much about, and yet, talking to him would only hurt me more. It's not fair to my fiance that I still think about my ex. I don't know what to do. I've thrown out and given away everything that my ex has given me, and threw out all the pictures. There's not one thing left to remember him by, but he still in my heart.
What should I do? How can I forget about him and move on?

Welcome to the board firstlove02 - I'm not sure what to say, though there are lots of things that come to mind... like let me ask you, what are you getting out of holding on to him?
After we broke up, I met a new guy, who truly loves me. There is no greater love a man can show for a woman than what he shows me. I've never know what it was like to be loved until I met him. He says I am his first love, his best friend, his soulmate (everything that I hoped my first bf would be). He is everything a girl could wish for - cute, funny, educated, career-oriented, and romantic. My friends are very envious of me.
This is the part of your post that stuck out to me. You mention how much this man loves you, but you never make any mention of your feelings for him. Do you truly love him? Or do you love the fact that
Please do not marry this man until you are truly over your ex boyfriend. An emotional affair can be just as devastating as a physical one. How fair is it to your fiance if you marry him loving another? Your fiance does not deserve this. He deserves to marry someone who doesn't cling to another guy and who can love him as much as he does her.
I know this sounds harsh and I'm sorry but I've been where your fiance is. My husband still cared very deeply for his ex girlfriend when we got married and continued an emotional affair (not physical) with her while we were dating and after we were married. I didn't find this out until we'd been married for two months but now that I know I feel marrying him was the biggest mistake I could have made. I feel like he's ruined my life. Our marriage will never be the same and I don't feel like I'll ever be able to have a healthy relationship with another man again due to insecurities and trust issues.
If you can't get over your ex boyfriend and give this man the love he deserves you will not be doing yourself or him a favor by getting married! Neither of you will be happy living like that.
Snap out of it! If your ex really wanted to be with you he would've moved mountains to do so. Stop idealizing your relationship with your ex and if need be please see a therapist to help you deal with this.
I would hate to see you lose a wonderful man like your fiancee because you can't let go of someone who just couldn't pull the trigger.