Chicago??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
Chicago??
5
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 8:26pm
Is anyone here from Chicago? I ask because maybe it would be good to get out. I've been in my apartment for 3 months and need to get out with someone going thru the same thing and share moral support.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: lambchop7
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 9:48am

It's a great idea to get out and meet new people, but I will suggest to you and everyone else on this board that you find HAPPY people in ENJOYABLE situations to hang out with, not necessaily someone who is also going through a breakup or is in some drama of their own. Laughter is the best medicine, not tears.

Like begets like. Energy flows where attention goes.

The reason I say that is because misery does indeed love company and if you make heartbreak and sadness the basis of your relationship with someone, just being around that person will automatically drag you both down, and hold you both back. You must intentionally end the connection to pain, otherwise, pain will always follow you. Commiserating with someone is only helpful in the very short term because it helps to get those feelings out, but hashing and rehashing hurts, pain and grievances will only feed into the negative energy that creates.

I know some of you reading this may be thinking, "Wow, that's kind of backwards or heartless, I need someone who understands what I'm going through." True, but you'll never get happy and healthy in the long run by continuously feeling negative. Simple truth.

So if you want to meet new people, that's great! Go find them doing something you ENJOY doing, something that brings your energy level and attitude UP, not down.

Best,

~~.: Sandra :.~~


CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
In reply to: lambchop7
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 10:48am

You have a good point...


However, I do believe that it is thereputic to spend time with someone who is coming from the same place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
In reply to: lambchop7
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 11:31am

I see I didn't make my point AT ALL clear. I almost expected this kind of reaction to what I said.

Please note I didn't say, 'Don't seek support.' Support is necessary and healthy and good. But what you're looking for is specifically to find "friends" that are in the exact same negative emotional boat you are in. Not so good. And not healthy. You can find that in real life in a support group, but that shouldn't be the main basis of a *friendship*.

Seek friends who have your same interests OUTSIDE of broken relationships. Broken relationships suck as a part of life, but they are only a PART of life, and should not be made the focus of life. That, to me, is unhealthy.

Furthermore ;) I didn't say that you or anyone would be dragging someone else down just because of your existence or venture into the outside world, what I did say was that when we make negative emotions and feelings the basis of our interaction with each other, we only hold ourselves back to wallow in the pain and negativity.

Commiseration with others in similar situations in the *short-term* ---SHORT-TERM--- is healthy, necessary and helpful, but don't think you're going create long-term happiness in life by seeking out negativity.

And finally, becoming a recluse is NOT healthy. Get out in the sunshine, CREATE happiness in your life and happiness will reside in your life.

Best of luck,

~~.: Sandra :.~~
CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do




Edited 4/6/2007 11:36 am ET by i_b_sandradee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
In reply to: lambchop7
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 11:43am
I know you meant well, I'm sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2007
In reply to: lambchop7
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 6:43am
hello, i am from chicago. what area do you live in?