is cold turkey the best thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
is cold turkey the best thing?
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 10:35pm
My X and I have decided to take some time apart from eachother. :( The thing is that we have both agreed that we have done all we can to this point but the issues will not be fully resolved until he experiences life w/o me in it. In my eyes, he is scared. Scared that there is something else out there or that he needs to be alone for a bit before he can make a commitment like marriage. We are 23 and have been together for 4.5 years so, beleive it or not, i can understand where he is coming from even though it hurts me like hell.

We have decided that we are going to take this time to just be alone for once and see how we feel after a while. We are not necessarily dating other people but it is not something that is out of the question. We just agreed that if one of us starts something somewhat serious with another we will have the respect to tell the other about it so we dont have to see it unexpectedly or hear from someone else sicne we live so close and have many mutual friends.

The problem is that we seem to be having a problem doing the no contact thing in a cold turkey sort of way. Neither of us feel "ready" to just cut the ties. We live around the corner basically from eachother and it is very very hard not to see or talk to him. Is it silly to do this in more of a fading out fashion? DOes that make sense? I also hurt to know he is hurting and confused. I mean this breakup is very very amicable. We still love eachother very much but I know that until his doubts are resolved we cant be together. It is hard not to resent him for even having the doubts but I know we are so young and it is probably natural. I am terrified that this could end up with him realizing I am not the one. But i guess one step at a time. I just have a hard time saying goodbye and so does he. Is this a natural thing or is he just afraid of committing? Thanks for any advice or support. I need it right now. :'(