coming to get his stuff-advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
coming to get his stuff-advice?
5
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 6:27pm

Hi everyone,

I'm finally at a point where I can say I'm doing well. It's been over 2 months since my break up, and I'm starting to be interested in dating again. Anyway, my ex called today and left a message saying he wants to pick up the rest of his stuff soon (big stuff--a tv, a chair, and a grill). I absolutely do not want to be here when he comes to get it. I live alone, but my mom is in town this coming weekend to kitten-sit (I am in a wedding on Sat. so I will be gone all day Sat. and much of Sun.). I want to tell my ex to come during that time. I'm not sure he'll go for coming here if only my mom is here. I'm hoping I'll call him back at a time he isn't available so I can just leave a message. That way he can't comment if he doesn't like the idea of picking his stuff up when I'm not here. What do you think? I don't want to NOT tell him I'm not going to be here...I think that would be too rude. Any advice?

Argh, I wish I had made him take this crap right after the break up!

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 7:43pm

Why do you have to tell him where you'll be. Just let him know that Sat or Sun are the only good days that he can come. You go to the wedding and be long gone by the time he gets there. Who says he needs to know that it'll be your mom waiting for him.
I think that is the ideal situation actually.

PS Glad to hear that you're doing well. Can't wait until I'm there too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 10:27pm

Good for you in getting "THERE"..

The way I see it, he has 2 choices...Get his stuff when you say or DON'T? Right? Who cares who is there when he does- unless mom would make it too uncomfortable for him? But then again, who said breaking up was comfy for you either. If he answers, just say you can get it Sat or Sun.- Period, he doesn't need to know your social calender? Your getting tougher - stick to it, you made it THIS FAR - you can do it! Congrats on doing well! Sweetie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 12:22pm

jennifer7072005,

I agree with sweetiexo31. Don't bother giving out all this information about when you will be where and who will be there for him to get his belongings. I allowed my ex to come over "to talk" and give me money he owed me about two months after he moved out of our shared house. It was entirely the wrong thing to do. He was all over me one minute and then completely cold and distant the next. Very much like our 3 1/2 year relationship. It made me uncomfortable, and I felt like I was experiencing the breakup all over again. I know this may sound harsh, but who cares if he perceives your mom being there and not you as "rude"? I don't know the specifics of your breakup, but having your heartbroken seems pretty rude to me. Also, he could have had any number of people come and get his belongings the past two months. I see this as a veiled attempt to discuss the breakup. If that is what you want and are ready for that, then great. But my advice would be to do this out in the open over coffee so that you aren't experiencing negative feelings in your own home - a place of solace. If you aren't ready for that kind of talk, leave him the message, tell him when he can come and get his stuff, and have fun at the wedding. You deserve to enjoy yourself.

Running Girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 12:45pm

Hi jennifer,


I have to agree with running_girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 9:12pm

You gals are the best. Thanks for the advice. The ex and I have the same phone service, so I was able to record a message and have it sent directly to his voicemail--thus, avoiding having an awkward convo. So I told him when he could get his crap, I did mention that I wouldn't be here. Then he calls when I'm sleeping and leaves a message saying..."well, I don't have to necessarily come get it THIS weekend..." basically hinting that he can come another time to get it, when I would be at my place. SO I left another message (dontcha love phone tag--not that I wanted to catch him) saying I would PREFER him coming when I am not here. Haven't heard from him since then (i left that one this morning). I tell ya, there is no way in hell I am going to be here to watch him take anything more from this relationship. The way I look at it, I gave that boy EVERYTHING and I got NOTHING in return and I'll be DAMNED if I have to see him take anything else from me. It feels so good to be past the point where I would have LOVED to have him at my apartment. Now I just want him and his crap gone.

Girls, trust me, you will get there. I know that it feels like hell now and that it's never going to ease up, but it will. This boy was a part of my life for 11 years (!!) and I am healing better than I ever thought I could. You will be better off and the less time you waste on the "what if's" the better.

Good luck to you all!! Treat yourselves to a Valentine's Day gift, no matter how small. The love you have for yourself is the most important one of all.