Completely heartbroken
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| Fri, 02-03-2006 - 3:28pm |
Hi, I'm a 34-yr old woman who has just had her heart broken. I don't know what to do. I'm so depressed. He had been my best relationship so far and I was thinking he might be the one. We had been dating 11 months. Everything had been happy & nice, we always got along really well. Then the other day, out of the blue, he comes over and tells me he doesn't think he loves me and thinks he should break up with me. I had no idea. We had not said "I love you" to each other yet, but it still seemed too soon to worry about. I was thinking after we'd dated a year I might bring it up. That would have been next month.
Also, he just let me re-sign my lease, which I did because we live in the same apartment building and I liked living near him. Now I feel horrible and I want to move; I don't want to run into him....
This is my third relationship in 4 years that has ended with a sudden, unexpected breakup. What's wrong with the men I find? Wveryone tells me I am so sweet and smart and pretty; even when they are breaking up with me they tell me how great I am. So why can't they love me???

Oh, I'm so sorry about that, particularly about the lease! That was cruel of him.
Try not to think in terms of something being "wrong" with either you or your partners...it's more that the two of you aren't right for *each other*, but it doesn't mean either of you is somehow "bad" or "wrong". And sometimes, finding someone who's right for you takes a lot of trial and error. I totally understand...I've had six relationships of varying lengths (from several months to a year and a half) end in the last 7 years, for a variety of reasons (I've ended some, the guy has ended others), and it's really, really frustrating...but all I can do is be the best person I know how and stick to what's important to me.
Sheri
Hi sparkleyeyes,
Sorry to hear about your breakup, I know how much that hurts. I also know how it feels to have a guy tell you how great you are and at the same time break up with you. That has happened to me twice, and it's just no fun...
But, I agree with Sheri. Try not to think about there being something wrong with one of you, and just accept that he isn't "the one." I know that is easier said than done, but really, finding "the one" for you is all about trial and error. Imagine how different we'd all be if the first person we went out with was "the one" for us... I feel like I learn more about myself in the two weeks after a breakup than I do during a two year relationship.
Personally, I try to think of dating as an experience. I try to learn something new about myself with each relationship and date. I think if you can do that, you won't feel so bad, and who knows, you might end up feeling a lot better about everything.
Anyway, hang in there, post whenever you're feeling down and someone will be around to cheer you up!
-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!
Ah, I know the feeling. There is nothing wrong with you, don't even go there, but you might be subconsciously choosing guys who have big issues.
Read Men Who Can't Love by Steven Carter. It's probably in your local library. It's opened my eyes. I keep picking the guys who for whatever reason can't make a connection with someone.
Take care!
Chick
Hi,
I am sorry that you are going through this. Believe me we all know that it hurts, especially when you see the person that you broke up with as different and than they do something shocking and your relationship is over. Men Who Can't Love - is a great book, it is a real eye opener.
Feel better,
Paula
I WANNA DEDICATE THIS SONG FOR YOU!!! GOOD LUCK I HOPE YOU FIND THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU AND REMEMBER THIS THINGS HAPPEN IN SUCH REASON!!!
RAINBOW
Fallin' out, fallin' in
Nothing's sure in this world no, no
Breakin' out, breakin' in
Never knowin' what lies ahead
We can really never tell it all no, no, no
Say goodbye, say hello
To a lover or friend
Sometimes we never could understand
Why some things begin then just end
We can really never tell it all no, no, no
But oh, can't you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
So baby, just/please smile
Coz im always around you
And ill make you see how beautiful
Life is for you and me
Take a little time baby
See the butterflies color's
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain
Ohh, whoa
Hittin' high, hittin' low
Win or lose you should go, yeah yeah
Getting warm, getting cold
Weather could be so good or bad
But baby this is life now don't get mad no, no, no
Coz oh, cant you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
So baby, please smile
Coz im always around you
And ill make you see how beautiful
Life is for you and me
Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain
Life's full of challenges
Not all the time we get what we want
But don't despair my dear coz I know now
You'll take each trial and you'll make it through the storm
Coz you're strong my faith in you is clear
So ill say once again this worlds wonderful and
Let us celebrate life that's so beautiful, so beautiful
Ohhhh
Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain