Completly done

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Completly done
1
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 8:57am
It has been about 2 months since we first broke up, although the words "it's over" were never spoken. Since then we have gone back and forth between let's work it out & forget it - no contact, have a good life. Throughout this I still saw him on the weekends and was foolish enough to still sleep with him. But it was more then that - the closeness, the intamacy - all still there. He still held my hand while I slept at night like he always used to - even when there was no sex involved at all. But the move was off, boxes were left untouched and we had just been in limbo. Throughout all this he has been drinking very very heavily. Party's all night with his friends weekdays & weekends. He admitts that it makes him misserable, but he does it anyways. Even his mom is worried about him - it is like something inside him snapped.
This morning at 4am he called me. He had been out drinking all night & hadn't gone to bed yet. We had talked about spending this weekend together, not disussing any relationship issues and just being together. He thought it might not be a good idea - my guess is that it got to comfortable for him & he needs to push me away again. Bottom line - we spent an hour on the phone in anger and exchangeing harsh words. We never fought - but I needed to be angry at him. So we have said all there is to say & that is it. Never again will I see him, or hear his voice. He will become just a memory now and that breaks my heart. But I need us to be "us" again - and he chooses the booze. I realize that it was never a fear of commitment, it was just that he was never the person I thought he was. He used to drink & party before we meet. But he says I "domesticated" him and he was happier in the relationship. Now he has reverted to his old ways and I am left wondering about the broken promises. Did I fall in love with someone that didn't exist? Was he just trying to be someone he really wasn't the whole time? He was full of romance and really treated me well. But for the last 2 months he has become a different person. I will never know the answers to my questions because it is over now. I have wonderful memories. Entire weekends hibernating together watching movies and never going outside, our week in Cuba, family holidays like Christmas & Thanksgiving, everything was so perfect, I don't understand how the booze became more important. But I guess it always was.
So now I will get all the crying done with this weekend. I will put things that remind me of him away & accept this as reality. Harsh words were spoken this morning and I guess that was the only way to final make this break. But oh - what a beautiful wreck he was, as the song goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2006
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 10:54am

Good for you that you've figured out that moving on is what's best for you. It's very sad what alcohol can do to a person, but he's not your responsility and you can't change someone unless they want to change themselves. Cry your heart out this weekend and get it over with. Then be strong and move on. You're doing the right thing!

Brenda