Confronting my EX

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Confronting my EX
8
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 4:39pm

I have this urge to break my NO CONTACT and confront him on whether or not he's dating someone from his work. Should I?

I've been doing so well mentally and not calling but all of a sudden, I want to know! I don't even know if I care as much as I would've last week but I just want to know....

Help! I know I shouldn't so please convince me to not call....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 5:23pm

Hi mishmosh,


I want you to try something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 5:38pm

The thing is, if his answer is yes, then I'll have a reason for him to not want me in his life anymore and will know why he has chosen to not talk to me anymore when before, he would always give in a call me telling me he missed me. If the answer is no, than I will feel like I have done something wrong or that there is something personally wrong with me giving him a reason to not want anything to do with me anymore.

Isn't that always one of the main reasons ex's want out or nothing to do with their ex? Because they have found someone new to be interested in?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 5:54pm

People don't practice No Contact just because they are seeing someoen else or because you have done something wrong.


::Isn't that always one of the main reasons ex's want out or nothing to do with their ex? Because they have found someone new to be interested in?


No, it's not been my reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 6:05pm
DO NOT CALL HIM. period. no exceptions. If you call him you will put the ball in HIS court, and we dont want that!!! ok ok. you just want to know this, or ask him that. But say you call, and he doesn't answer. Or maybe he does answer and tells you he isnt dating that person from work... will you feel better? probably not. HOWEVER, he will know that you still care... Keep up the element of mystery and KEEP the ball in your court by NOT calling/emailing/text messaging/having a little puppy with a note attatched to his collar walk up to him in a park... NOTHING!!! you will feel better once you overcome this resisted urge. i promise!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 6:15pm

OH MY GOD!!!!! Whenever I get these urges, I draft up a text message on my phone and just save it to my drafts and then wait a couple of hours and then I just delete it and I usually feel better and good about not sending it well this time....IT GOT SENT!!!! I feel really stupid now. I was going to delete it and instead I hit send! OH crap, now I'm all shaky and nervouse. It said, "So are you dating that girl from work? I have a feeling you are. I don't care but I just want to prove to myself that I was right all along. You don't need to respond."

This is bad! Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 6:33pm
well, you told him that he doesnt have to respond. so he probably wont... but it's already done, so just make sure that you dont keep it up. Break that vicious cycle and keep up with the NO CONTACT thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 6:39pm
I feel really, really stupid now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 6:46pm
dont feel stupid, because you're not. you are normal! and the only reason i know that contacting him wouldnt be a good idea is because i did it... i called him. and found out things i didnt want to know. i wish i never did it because i hurt even more now that i called him... i just dont want anyone else to feel like that because i know how bad it hurts to still think about your ex, especially to think about him with someone else! keep your head up. and in the future, resist the urge. its better to wonder than it is to know.