I'm going to tell it to you straight because at this point, I think only brutal honesty is going to help you break through all the confusion.
Yes, he's playing you, yes if he really wanted to be with you he would, yes, you're his puppet on a string. The only reason he's acting this way, though, is because you're letting him. Cut the string yourself, don't wait around for him to do it! The truth is that some men will push and act up and take it as far as a woman lets him. If she lets him take it too far, he loses respect for her. It's this really weird thing, but people do it to each other all the time in different extremes. See, I don't have to be confused because I'm of course not being subjected to his "nice" side while he's actually off playing with someone else. It's like an adolescent Jekyll and Hyde. I realize that chronologically he's 34, but mentally and emotionally he seems to be 17, tops.
When people do this, this, "Let me play around and stick my thing in someone else all I want while you wait around, but I need this time to myself to explore what's been missing from our relationship because I'm a lazy ass so please just be patient with me because I don't know what I want but you know I love you and only you," well, it doesn't get much more selfish than that. Nor does it get better if the woman "waits patiently," which is probably the very worst thing to do. What needs to happen is that he needs to get the message that only a man with his act together gets to be with you.
So, my suggestion to you is to be the adult and stop taking his phone calls, because I'll tell ya, it seems to be all lies anyway, so what's the point of listening? After 8 years, he'd know. He would. Anyone would, and they wouldn't act this way and get away with it. If you've read any of my other input to the people on this or any other board, you know I don't talk like this about just anyone, I save my forked tongue for the ones out there who really deserve it. Your ex happens to be one of them.
Do yourself a HUGE favor and cut this guy out of your life. At least until he decides to leave the high school drama behind and finally grow up. It won't happen while you "wait patiently," though. That much I can practically guarantee.
Hi stefrn06 and welcome,
I'm going to tell it to you straight because at this point, I think only brutal honesty is going to help you break through all the confusion.
Yes, he's playing you, yes if he really wanted to be with you he would, yes, you're his puppet on a string. The only reason he's acting this way, though, is because you're letting him. Cut the string yourself, don't wait around for him to do it! The truth is that some men will push and act up and take it as far as a woman lets him. If she lets him take it too far, he loses respect for her. It's this really weird thing, but people do it to each other all the time in different extremes. See, I don't have to be confused because I'm of course not being subjected to his "nice" side while he's actually off playing with someone else. It's like an adolescent Jekyll and Hyde. I realize that chronologically he's 34, but mentally and emotionally he seems to be 17, tops.
When people do this, this, "Let me play around and stick my thing in someone else all I want while you wait around, but I need this time to myself to explore what's been missing from our relationship because I'm a lazy ass so please just be patient with me because I don't know what I want but you know I love you and only you," well, it doesn't get much more selfish than that. Nor does it get better if the woman "waits patiently," which is probably the very worst thing to do. What needs to happen is that he needs to get the message that only a man with his act together gets to be with you.
So, my suggestion to you is to be the adult and stop taking his phone calls, because I'll tell ya, it seems to be all lies anyway, so what's the point of listening? After 8 years, he'd know. He would. Anyone would, and they wouldn't act this way and get away with it. If you've read any of my other input to the people on this or any other board, you know I don't talk like this about just anyone, I save my forked tongue for the ones out there who really deserve it. Your ex happens to be one of them.
Do yourself a HUGE favor and cut this guy out of your life. At least until he decides to leave the high school drama behind and finally grow up. It won't happen while you "wait patiently," though. That much I can practically guarantee.
Good luck,