Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Confused
1
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 10:55pm
I am am married woman for 18 years now and for the past 6 years things have not been going very well. Not that that is a great excuse but i recently had an affair, i dont reget it in fact i wish it was stil going on. I got involved with a much younger guy who promised that things between us would be going on until I said it was over. Just after the new year he decided to break things off. I have never been the type to let my emotions get the better of me, but this time it was different. I fell n love with him. And now he is gone and this is the first time my heart has ever been broken in my life. He was perfect, I have alot of things going on that are very complicated. My Mom just recently passed away, my husband has recently been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder,and quit a few other major things going on. The other guy started out as just a really god friend, then all of a sudden he was so much more. He did everything right, while my husband was doing everything wrong. I got accused off sleeping with this guy way before it ever happened.
Now like i said i am in love with him but stil with my husband because of his disorder mainly. But the other guy told me that we had to break up because he didnt want to hurt my family. He thinks that he is the reason we are haveing so many problems. When in reallity he is only one of many many problems. In fact he was one of the only reasons that i still have my sanity. Lossing my mom is still very hard on me and my husband isnt able to be there for me so now i feel like i have nobody. I fight with my husband over everything,and it is hard to handle my husband because he is almost always in a manic state.
I have only had one release from everything and that was him and now he seems to be one more to add t my list of misories.
I know i am wrong for feeling the way i do about him but i cant help it and now that we are not togerther anymore it hurts so bad and i cant even show it cause no one even knows we were together.
How do you get over someone when you arent alowed to show how you hurt you feel and have so many other things to have to deal with also? How do you get over someone who was so perfect for so long and all of a sudden now doesnt want anything to do with you? I love him so much and need him back in my life just s i can stop going crazy about everythin esle happening. He really was my only sorce of happyness. I cant leave my husband right now because i am afraid with his mentl condition he might do something stupid to him self if i did. But i am deffently not happy anymore ith anything. I cant seem to bring yself out of this depressed state of mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: infamous006
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 3:25am

First off, I'm very sorry about the loss of your mother.

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