confused
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confused
| Thu, 07-27-2006 - 6:48pm |
Hello out there,
I need some advice. My boyfriend and I went out for a year, then we had to move to separate places (him-NY, me-MD) for our jobs. Its now been about two months, and he told me that he's not sure if we should continue this relationship or not. He said he has some issues that he needs to work on (ie: old family things, dealing with the death of his grandfather) before we can be together again. He says he loves me and its killing him to put me through this. He has asked me to give him a couple of months so he can work on his issues. I do believe that he needs to work on these issues because somebody can't carry old hurt feelings like his, especially about his childhood, without affecting his own family, when he decides to have one. He also told me that he is afraid of commitment, even though we've been commited to each other for more than a year. So, should I just let him go or should I wait for him until his clears his head? I really do love him and I know he loves me, but this time apart is killing me. Help!
I need some advice. My boyfriend and I went out for a year, then we had to move to separate places (him-NY, me-MD) for our jobs. Its now been about two months, and he told me that he's not sure if we should continue this relationship or not. He said he has some issues that he needs to work on (ie: old family things, dealing with the death of his grandfather) before we can be together again. He says he loves me and its killing him to put me through this. He has asked me to give him a couple of months so he can work on his issues. I do believe that he needs to work on these issues because somebody can't carry old hurt feelings like his, especially about his childhood, without affecting his own family, when he decides to have one. He also told me that he is afraid of commitment, even though we've been commited to each other for more than a year. So, should I just let him go or should I wait for him until his clears his head? I really do love him and I know he loves me, but this time apart is killing me. Help!

....."He also told me that he is afraid of commitment, even though we've been commited to each other for more than a year.".....
I'm going to take a page out of "It's called a Breakup because it's Broken" or was it "He's just not that into you" - I can't remember because I've read so many breakup books in the past month. Anyway, the topic of the chapter is about "Waiting" and the advice they give is never be put into the position where your waiting for someone else to get their life together. I believe the phrase they use is he wants you to wait because his feelings are "so big and important" while yours don't mean anything.
I know your not ready to just move on, but you've just moved to a new place. Use the next few months to decide exactlly what you want. Do things that have absolutely nothing to do with him. Meet new people (I'm not talking about just men). This way if in the end he decides he can't live without you, great. If he decides he can live without you or needs more time, you'll have already started creating a great new life without him and you'll be ahead of the game.
Kathy