Confused

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Confused
4
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 4:07pm
I've been dating this guy for 1 year, recently he admitted to not being in love with me. I was so hurt. I met him at club and ended up spending the night with him, I didn't expect anything would happen, but he took my number and said he would call. I did finally call 4 days later, we talked for and it seemed that he wasn't really interested, but he called me again and we talked for 2 hours but it always seemed like he was into me. We finally out after 2 weeks, and, I brought this to his attention, I told him he's giving me mixed signals, he acts indifferent but he explained that it was just the way he was, Cold, it wasn't me. I told him if this was just a physical thing he should just let me know because I'm looking for more, but he said it wasn't that at all. Anyways recently I told him I don't think we spend enough time together, once a week is not enough, and, we hardly talk on the phone, he said that right know he has these goals he wants to reach, love is not a priority. He said he's not in love with me, he knows what it feels to be in love,he said that at least by now we should be best friends, but how can we best friends if he doesn't gives me more than one day a week?He admits it's his fault, but he really likes me, and loves spending time with the me, and he doesn't want to break up, he can't promise anything, he suggested that maybe we should start all over again, no physical intimacy.He didn't want me to leave. I explained that I would need more that one phone call a week, and I want to see him more than once a week, he agreed to to find balance in his life. But "i'm not in Love with you" keeps playing in my head!!! I agreed to try again but it hurts. What should I do?
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 2:16pm

It's weird because this is so similar to my encounter. I start to suspect if they are the same guy. I met him too a year ago. He calls once a week, we would get together and have sex. I told him the same thing like you did to your guy. I said i am not a call girl that he can just call once a week for sex. I wanted more than just that. He would answer the questions with questions and made me so confused. I was so sad and miserable for an entire year. Because I was in denial that I couldn't believe someone I was so into would do this to me and play me like a fool and use me upon his needs. Before it's too late, I fell deeper and deeper into this emotional hole. I really wish that wasn't the case and things could work out. But now I finally woke up.

I don't answer his calls anymore and I told him it was over. I am forcing myself to step out of this and run as fast as I can. It hurts so bad, at the same time, I know if he did care for me, he wouldn't treat me like this, or if he was a good person, he wouldn't lie to me and make me so miserable. So it's over.

Good luck on making your decision.

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 4:38pm
Don't do it. You'll only end up hurt. If he says he's not in love with you and love isn't a priority, what's the point? You said it hurts. Love shouldn't hurt. A good relationship doesn't hurt. This guy doesn't sound like a good candidate for a boyfriend. Heck, he doesn't even sound like a good friend. Next time he calls tell him you've changed your mind and you just don't see a future with him. Really. Do it. If you don't, you will get even more hurt and regret not having ended it sooner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2006
In reply to:
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 8:00pm
thats just an excuse he doesnt love you plain and simple. if he did he would find the time to call you everyday or every other day just atleast to say hi and show interested in your life and see you atleast more than once a week
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 11:02pm
Been there done that. Forget him and move on. He will only break your heart. Cut off all contact with him. Maybe he will realize that he misses you. It's a slim chance but the only chance you've got at this point.