Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2008
Confused
4
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 3:15pm

I have been reading a lot of posts to help me deal with my recent breakup and I decided to post about my situation to get some guidance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
In reply to: kaneegirl
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 3:26pm

I'm not the best to give advice right now as I am full of pain myself due to a break up. The advice that I keep getting is to stick with the NC!!! Begging just pushes them away further. You can't make someone want to be with you. All you can do is move on. If he comes back he comes back (easier said than done)...if he doesn't it wasn't meant to be. (((hugs))) I feel your pain...trust me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2008
In reply to: kaneegirl
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 4:17pm
bumping up....I need some advice guys....I am at almost one week of NC and I feel like I really want to call him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: kaneegirl
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 10:09pm

Welcome to the board kaneegirl,


Grief is a powerful emotion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2008
In reply to: kaneegirl
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 2:57am
Okay. You might not like everything I have to say.




1. Guys absolutely do not like it when the girl makes more money than he does. A lot of them are weird about it. I don't know why, I've dated an art director who has more money in his account right now that I've ever had at any one time, I've dated guys who didn't have jobs at the moment, and I don't really notice much of a difference, I guess.



2. Combine that with the fact that you asked him to leave? I'm assuming it's your place, like, your name is on the lease and not his? But if he's not doing that well financially, you make more, it's your apartment, you pay for most of the household stuff - he probably feels insecure. Like if you got really mad again, he would have to sleep on a friend's house or something. He may seem like he's not sad now because he you threw him out and it hurt him, a little piece of him got over you.



3. I don't agree with you thinking it was disrespectful that his ex was mentioned. Especially if they have a child together. She's not going anywhere soon. You guys have been together for a YEAR, you should not still be bothered. Or rather - you knew getting into this with him. If that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable, don't date guys with kids.



4. I don't know how often he sees his son, but he spent your guys' anniversary with his sister, it sounds like he's close with his family. I know you wanted alone time too, but it's not like you weren't with him too. Why didn't you try really focusing on developing a bond with his sister or something?





and he always seemed to put his family before me even though he always talked about us getting married.

5. That was a really immature and selfish thing to say. Of course he puts his family ahead of you. They're his family. I mean, he has a kid, you should be happy he's not some deadbeat, because guys family guys are hard to find. I'm thrilled when guys are family-oriented. I think how you acted this weekend was kind of immature. And how you throw him out of the house? What if you guys DID get married and his son was there for the weekend? Would you make him leave too? I mean, you might not realize it, but these are all bad signs. Moreso to him because he a child and he probably doesn't want to expose his child to that kind of instability. I have friends who have children, and dating is completely different for them, they can't date ANYONE who could possibly impact their child negatively.




Give it a couple months. Maybe you'll feel better or he will. I think it's a shame you didn't use the vacation to bond tightly with his family instead of having a miserable time - my ex's family absolutely LOVES me, that makes a relationship really strong, when his family genuinely adores you. A guy being really close to his family wouldn't bother me, because you know when those guys have a family of their own, they'll be 120% dedicated to them.

If you still want him back, I would suggest working on your temper first. Especially if his family knew about it, they probably don't want that for him or their nephew/grandson. Maybe you two will find each other again. I do though, think you guys should NOT talk for a while, because things could get worse. Give yourself (and him) some time.

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." -Confucius

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." -Confucius