Confused about divorce/17-yr marriage
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| Tue, 08-01-2006 - 8:43am |
I've posted several times on this board, and have recv'd some very gd advice. I've been wiped out by the ex of EVERYTHING because I just let her take EVERYTHING in the divorce. And, what was I left with? Nothing. A few yrs ago I was making six-figures income, now I've been at the POVERTY level. Ex was given a $500k house, most of the $ in the bank (all in her name!!!), son, furniture, MY SON, car; well, I could go on and on. I've had to move 9 times in a little over a year. I've dealt with having to beg for food. Lost my job, and pretty much EVERYTHING, especially my self-esteem. I'm almost 57, and can't even get a menial job for minimum wage. Strange that I was considered a pioneer in my field and now I'm looking at going on welfare.
I moved up North recently from FLA, as I always hated FLA and the South/Bible Belt/rednecks. Only stayed in FLA because of my ex's desire to stay in FLA because of her parents. Turned down many job offers in the past that were for mega-bucks. Ex has drained me dry and has continued to hit me with a multitude of lawsuits even though I gave her EVERYTHING. My former psychologist who's a non-denominational minister, used an expletive to say to me: what the you-know-what does she want, the last drop of blood? You may not agree with this statement, but for those of you that have been through this can relate: women are much more vicious towards men in a divorce; they will cut off an arm to take a piece of your pinky (sad but true). I am trying so damn hard to get on with my life, which has been in shambles for almost 2 yrs.
The one redeeming factor for me is my ex girlfriend with whom I staying with. She swore to me 30 yrs ago that if I didn't marry her that she would never marry anyone else. After 30 yrs she and her family have welcomed me back with open arms, and absolutely love me to death. However, I have told this girl (woman) that I will absolutely not put myself in a position to use her (or anyone else for that matter -- it's not my "style" nor will it ever be). I realize now that that I should have married her 30 yrs ago, but now she's morbidly obese, has led the life of the rich and famous (she's by most people's standards VERY wealthy), and just can't understand what it's like to live in abject poverty (she laughs at so much of what I've been put through, but recognizes the fact that I have a HUGE heart and am not a USER of other people). She's made a million passes at me, but I won't have sex with her (or anyone else) unless I'm ready for TOTAL commitment. I'm not sure that I can I can give that to her. I do love this girl very much, but am so confused. In spite of the fact that the ex cheated on me many times (and I have STDs to prove it), I still am in love with her (maybe because she's the mother of my son, who now hates my guts evefn though his favorite saying was that I was the best father any kid could ever hope to have - and, believe me, I was).
I'm hurting physically, emotionally, and every-which-way. After speaking to 2 different psychologists, they have both told me that there is nothing that they can do for me. Let me tell you, one of my ex clients from my now destroyed bsuiness was the National Enquirer. When I spoke to them about my story they told me that what has happened to me was even too much for them.
I am a TOTAL mess at the end of my rope and NO ONE can help me:-(

True, no one else can help you, real help comes from within.
I don't believe you are still "in love" with your ex, I find it hard to believe anyoen could still feel that for someone after being completely dragged through the dirt by them, so you're still emotionally wrapped up in her, but not in a good way.