confused and hurt

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2006
confused and hurt
6
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 11:50am
my boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me a few days before christmas. what makes things worse is the fact that we both work together. we had a drunken argument and he told me afterwards that its best that we are friends. i was taken by surprise by the sudden decision on his part. i know that the best thing to do for the moment is to give him his space but its very difficult. i feel as if i lost him for good even though he claims otherwise. im at work right now and i cannot bear to look at him without wanting to cry somemore. i feel as if he doesnt care about me or how i am feeling. it seems as if hes okay with the situation, like nothing happened at all. im confused at comprehending how someone can just push someone else that he cares about to the side like garbage. i honestly dont know how long i can handle this situation for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 3:52pm

Hi cynthia,


I'm so sorry about the breakup, especially at this time of year.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 4:10pm

I know exactly how you are feeling. My boyfriend of 3 years has broken up with me pretty much before every holiday of the year. Most recently, yesterday he told me he couldn't "do this anymore."

"i feel as if i lost him for good even though he claims otherwise. im at work right now and i cannot bear to look at him without wanting to cry somemore. i feel as if he doesnt care about me or how i am feeling. it seems as if hes okay with the situation, like nothing happened at all."

I conveyed these same thoughts to my ex yesterday. He said he just handles things differently than I do. I don't know if this is any comfort to you, but guys have a weird way of showing (or not showing) their emotions. My ex also says he isn't saying it's over, but what neither of them are saying, is what we really deserve to hear. It's their manipulative way of "beating around the bush" and not saying anything negative, but not saying anything positive either. They are very tricky like that.


"im confused at comprehending how someone can just push someone else that he cares about to the side like garbage. i honestly dont know how long i can handle this situation for."

I have thought this same thought a million times. Guys are selfish and I don't think they realize the impact they have on us when they treat us that way. It's almost like you are literally in shock that they could take things so lightly and care so little. After my ex basically dumped me again yesterday, I bawled my eyes out for 6 hours straight and he went out to eat with friends and then went shopping!!

I don't have to work with my ex, and I am so sorry you are in that position. Hang on until the end of the day. I know it is oh so hard, but put on your game face and don't let him have the satisfaction of knowing how upset he has made you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 4:50pm
Thank you for your advice. I actually typed up an email the other day to let out all of my frustrations and what I was feeling. I acutally sent it to him and he responded back. He told me that he was sorry about what happened and that he didnt mean to hurt me in anyway. He thinks that being friends is the best thing for now. I had mentioned to him that I feel like this is it, that the relationship is over. He responds back " I can't say whats going to happen in the future and if you are predisposed to the fact that this is the END then so be it. I can't change the way you feel or think. But no matter what, please don't think that you were not an important person in my life and that you always have a piece of my heart. I really hope that we can be friends and stay in each others lives as friends, at least for now." What am I supposed to take that as? He called me last night and finally asked if I was ok and if there was anything that he can do to make me feel better. After 4 days??? The work situation is tough. Today hes not paying any attention to me. Walks past me with his head down.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 9:18pm

::He thinks that being friends is the best thing for now.

You don't want JUST a friendship.

::" I can't say whats going to happen in the future and if you are predisposed to the fact that this is the END then so be it. I can't change the way you feel or think. But no matter what, please don't think that you were not an important person in my life and that you always have a piece of my heart. I really hope that we can be friends and stay in each others lives as friends, at least for now."

This is him avoiding the 'confrontation' of ending the relationship. He doesn't want to be the one to end it, but he's ok with it ending.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2006
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 1:04am
thats what i was thinking. tonight i went over his place to pick up the rest of my things that were there. i was sitting in the living room and he had a phone number written down on a piece of paper that wasnt there when i was over on monday. i called the number abd a girl picked up on the first ring! i had asked him if he left me for someone else and he said no that would be cruel. now im not so sure. one of my other ex's proposed to me 3 years ago on christmas and i caught him cheating after he asked me to marry him. i feel like the samething happened again and i feel awful right now. im in shock. it really is rotten that the samething can happen more than once to you in your lifetime. i feel like i have to found out who this is and if he really left me for someone else so that i can have closure for myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 7:21am

You don't really need to find out those things to have closure. Right now you know that he is playing you and that he has not been honest. You don't need to know anything else.

You can move on from this when you decide it's time to do so. It is very tough to find this out, but the obsession about him and her (and it can turn into an obsession) will not help you healing from this.

Being friends is never a good idea. I have a post on my blog about trying to be friends and I always recommend strongly against it. The atmosphere is TOO emotionally charged right now. And you are hurt. Friends don't hurt friends. Leave it be and don't try to be friends.

He was a jerk. He was not honest with you and waited until you did something to pull the trigger. Do FRIENDS act like this? No. Does a true love act like this? NO. You deserve better. Pick up the pieces, heal yourself and you will find it.

Hugs to you.

It hurts and it's hard but it's dead, so bury it and walk away. Do your grief and find

Susan




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