confused and hurt
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| Sat, 02-11-2006 - 5:13am |
My boyfriend and i broke up about 2 months ago and even though nothing has changed he still tells me he can't be with me right now because of the distance..he lives in salt lake city right now for school and i'm in canada, quite the distance, i know.
The problem is this..
When we broke up it was because of the distance, nothing else..we got along great..we spent alot of time together, hours on the phone and on chat..but the distance was just too much to handle for 8 months, now it's 6.
We recently talked, 2 days ago, i had wrote him an email just to clear my thoughts and he never wrote back, i was alittle disappointed but later when we talked he told me he didn't know what to say. He said he had read it 3 times and then he thought about how 'adorable' we used to be and how much he still loves me and wished he lived near me so none of this would be happening. He has a page on myspace, some site..and i went there today just to see whats new and he was flirting with some girl..for some reason i felt so jealous and hurt, mad...disappointed and i was like "what's wrong with me?" I don't understand why he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me and wished he were here more then anything but yet he goes and does god knows what with god knows who. I don't trust him but yet i can't let go because he still gives hope for us after he's done school. I told him to tell me to walk away so i can move on with my life and he said he couldn't do that because he still loves me..i thought "how selfish" he doesn't want me but he doesn't want anyone else to have me?
I wrote him another email yesterday and i told him to write back, just to write from the heart even if he felt like he had nothing to say, he would because he always did. He never wrote back.
So this is the question, the part that confuses me..
Why does he say he loves me and wants to be but yet i'm not a priority anymore, just an option? Why doesn't he talk to me hardly anymore, reassure me, tell me he loves me everyday..Is he he just playing games? or whats the deal with him now?

Hi there,
I have to check in with you to a)tell you you are not alone and b)tell you I just broke up with someone 2 days ago and it was a long distance relationship as well (and I'm in Michigan, he's in Mexico... did I beat you?? ha).
Who knows what these guys want, I guess we would only know if we were inside their heads. Maybe even then we still wouldn't know because they don't know themselves! Hence, the confusing messages of love you one day, no contact the other.
I recently found out my guy has been emailing another girl (who is practically in love with him) and they have been to a wedding together (I only know this based on what she wrote about them "holding hands" in the pictures, etc.) So I know how hurtful this must be for you. DON'T- think it's because of you though. I know it's tough to think there's something wrong with you (not pretty enough, not flirty, whatever), but just don't put the blame on yourself. I think these guys just like the attention or the thrill of the chase or whatever. It's stupid. I don't think they realize- or maybe they don't care- how bad it hurts when we stumble upon these things.. it feels like someone stuck a knife thru your heart.
Hang in there... I'm not sure what to tell you about your guy and his motives. Seems like he doesn't know what he wants (typical). Try to take care of yourself though.
hi there,
first i want to say that i'm sorry for your pain...break ups are hard enough, but letting go, and trying to heal and move forward seems almost impossible to do, especially when there's confusion and so many un answered questions...but my advice to you, is take initiative, and take control of your life, and your healing process. you say that you've asked him to let you go and he won't...well who knows why he won't...you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure that out...the key here is freeing yourself...why are we giving so much power to the ex...you're giving him power over your own life...you need to let yourself go..you need to reclaim your power..your life. i hear so many people say that..."he/she won't let me go"..we all have to learn to reclaim our life/power back..we can't leave something as important as that in someone elses hands...i think that's the first step in your healing process.
take care.