Confused and in need of some advice
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| Wed, 10-31-2007 - 6:52pm |
Hey everyone.
I posted once a while ago after i found out that my boyfriend was having an EA with a girl from work. If you want the back story I posted in "ask the relationship saver" and the title is "am I overreacting?" He told me the EA was over I found out that it had continued so I asked him to leave for a few days. I needed to think and calm down. Well, long story short, I decided that I wanted to try and work it out and see what would happen.
Ever since he has come back things have slowly gone down hill. All we do is argue. I find myself bickering with him for everything and he is so clingy and emotional. I have noticed so many little things that drive me crazy and some big one's that before he betrayed me I was willing to overlook. He's immature, irresponsible, and I always feel like I'm taking care of him. I mean if I'm not home to make dinner or if I'm to tired and only want to have a sandwich, he just won't eat. He takes everything too seriously and what starts out as joking becomes a huge fight.
I really am not sure this is the person I want to be with. BUT, I am not sure what to do. I know this is no reason to stay with a person but I worry about what will happen to him if I kick him out. He has very little family and those he does have, would not take him in. Also, he has totally alienated his friends (another reason I don't think I want to be with him). I don't want to spend my life being his mother. And I don't think I can trust him after what happened. How do I tell myself that I need to do what's best for me without feeling like an awful person? I don't want him to be homeless. The car he drives is my second car. He has a terrible job that doesn't pay well and I don't want him to end up homeless. But I'm so unhappy and miserable. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

First of all, its not your responsibility to be his mother. He has family, he needs to work it out with them, or find his own place. He's an adult right?
Secondly it sounds like you're falling out of love with him. This happened to me when I lived with a guy. He behaved badly, lied, took me for granted and I asked myself the same question: Do I want to spend the rest of my life being his mom.
I decided I didn't. Little things about him began to really get on my nerves, things I had never noticed before. I now realize this was a sign that my feelings for him were starting to wane.
On an alternate note, you could try counselling. You're angry over this EA and you're taking it out on him right now (and heck, rightfully so). Therapy might help to guide you over the anger a little faster.
all the best
Welcome to the board shann512,
Here's the link to your previous post: Am I overreacting
He is responsible for himself that includes where he will live in the future, his relationship with his family and friends.
Hey I know what you are going through I am in a similar situation myself at the moment with my ex not that he is still living with me but I am finding it hard to cut off from him. It feels like I am kind of turning my back on him a bit leaving him when he is so vulnerable but the thing I am now saying to myself after some good advice on here actually is that I can't care for him in that way right now and you shouldn't have to care for your man either especially if it is making you unhappy. The thing is we feel that if we weren't there would they cope would they be ok? well the answer is yes they managed before we came along so they will do it again that sounds a bit harsh but they will. Why put your life on hold which is effectively what you are doing by staying in this relationship. On the other hand Suzanna's suggestion of counseling maybe a good idea for you but what ever you decide make sure its for you and not for anyone else because you will end up hurting yourself in the long run if you base your decision on whether or not he would be able to cope. take care and be happy k x