Confused and Scared
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Confused and Scared
| Sat, 04-21-2007 - 10:40am |
I recently was dumped by my first boyfriend. He was my first everything. His decision to break up came as a total shock to me. When he told me we should 'see other people' he gave me a list of excuses for why we shouldn't be together.
After the breakup, his roommates (and friends of mine) informed me of some strange sexual fantasies he had been having. Apparently, he had many violent fetishes such as asphyxia, bondage, and rape. While we were intimate and he would ask about some of these things, he made it casual like he wasn't really into it, but wanted to know if I would be. But behind my back he became obsessed with these ideas. On top of all this, I found out that he has child pornography on his computer as well as beastiality porn. Keep in mind...all this is second hand knowledge to me.
Basically, I know that I do not want him back. However, I feel very used at this point. We moved really fast physically. When I had expressed concern over this he simply reassured me that we had a 'very physical relationship' and not an 'all physical relationship', but once he found that he would not be able to act out his violent fetishes on me, he chose to dump me. I'm having trouble dealing with my feelings about all this. Also, I'm wondering if I should be worried that if he gets desperate or more obsessed that he may actually rape me.
Does anyone have any advice on any of this?
After the breakup, his roommates (and friends of mine) informed me of some strange sexual fantasies he had been having. Apparently, he had many violent fetishes such as asphyxia, bondage, and rape. While we were intimate and he would ask about some of these things, he made it casual like he wasn't really into it, but wanted to know if I would be. But behind my back he became obsessed with these ideas. On top of all this, I found out that he has child pornography on his computer as well as beastiality porn. Keep in mind...all this is second hand knowledge to me.
Basically, I know that I do not want him back. However, I feel very used at this point. We moved really fast physically. When I had expressed concern over this he simply reassured me that we had a 'very physical relationship' and not an 'all physical relationship', but once he found that he would not be able to act out his violent fetishes on me, he chose to dump me. I'm having trouble dealing with my feelings about all this. Also, I'm wondering if I should be worried that if he gets desperate or more obsessed that he may actually rape me.
Does anyone have any advice on any of this?

Hi....This is a tough situation you are going thru but you have to admit that it is an EXCELLENT thing that he broke up with you- he obviously knew that you were not interested in sharing these fantasies with him, so he decided that it would probably be better to find someone else who would. These are very diff. fetishes that can often change our view of someone because they are so violent. I am very glad that you do not want to be with him bc based on what you found out he is not what he seemed at all. I am not telling you what to do, but I think that if it were me, I would cut off all contact with him. If he tries to contact you, ignore him but if it is excessive and you feel threatened- let others know. If you would feel better, talk to the police- remember child porn is illegal and if he is contacting you excessively, coming to see you etc. that could be considered stalking. However, since he broke up with you- it seems as if he likes the idea of moving on and hopefully will not try to contact you. Often people with these fetishes have no desire to hurt anyone in real life (aka rape), it just turns them on sexually- which seems very strange to those of us that are not into it. This is a hard situation, but just be thankful that you got out of it when you did. Keep your head up and rem. if you feel threatened, talk to someone- dont keep it to urself. Hope this helped a lil.:)
B