Confused big time - please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Confused big time - please help
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 12:26am
My girlfriend ( ex now) have been together for a year. We live in China, i am a canadian she is chinese. She left her parents home to move in with me about 9 months ago and that caused major problems of course. But she stayed and we were awesome as a couple. However, a few times, when i lost control over the frustrations of living in a foreign country etc etc, she would get upset and take it personal, when in fact it was not directed at her personally. I went back to canada on july 14 for a holiday to visit family. When I left, she was crying, hugging, hurting that i was going to be away. After i got back to canada, i got emails daily from her how she loved me, missed me, could not wait to see me and hold me, etc etc. Then she informed me that she was going to visit a girlfriend out of town and that she would be back on a Tuesday and that she wanted me to be on msn messenger to chat cause she missed me incredibly. I missed her also the same way. WEll, she got back Thursday, did not email me that she was staying longer. I was upset, and i had sent an email giving her heck for not telling me where she was when i was waiting for her. And i must admit, I was a bit out of line, but just because of my being upset and frustrated. She said she could not email me cause her friend's computer had a virus. Then she said i did not trust her, that i did not want her to be with her friends, that sort of stuff - not true, beleive me. Anyhow, she then informed me that she was done with me, that i could not change, that she would love me forever, she said she promised that, that i will always be her baby doll. that she will help me with anything at all that i need done in china. But that she was never coming back.

I finally got home last sunday - she has stayed at our apartment after she broke up with me, but moved to her dad's the day before i arrrived home. I did not see her until 2 days ago, i had gone to the store and she went by on her bike and stopped. She had a great smile for me, said wow, do you ever look great, (i grew a beard back in canada) etc etc - i got a bit emotional and said i cant talk right now and walked away - she let me walk a bit and then drove up and stopped me again and talked again. She asked me to come to her new company headquarters and she would like to show me around her new place of employement. And we had sold a dog we had a while ago and she asked me to go with her to see the dog at the new owners place. She has said she will have dinner with me and the odd show, but that is all.

Last night she came to the apartment to fix the internet, i was not here then. I had a picture of another girl that i had met, nothing at all there, but she immediately paged me on my cell phone and wanted to know who the girl was in the picture? Also, i asked her if she wanted to keep my other key for the apt in case i lost mine or whatever, and she said of course, she would love to.

So, you can maybe see my being confused here. I have given her ample opportunities to tell me to hit the road - iasked her the other day, do you want me to leave you alone and disappear and get lost? She said of course not, you think to much. So i am confused, beleive me, and could sure use some input from others on what is going on here? My thinking is that, if it is over and she is never coming back, why not just keep away from all the stuff she has been doing, i will always love you, etc etc - makes no sense to me. Please help, all comments and suggestions will be appreciated

My girlfriend ( ex now) have been together for a year. We live in China, i am a canadian she is chinese. She left her parents home to move in with me about 9 months ago and that caused major problems of course. But she stayed and we were awesome as a couple. However, a few times, when i lost control over the frustrations of living in a foreign country etc etc, she would get upset and take it personal, when in fact it was not directed at her personally. I went back to canada on july 14 for a holiday to visit family. When I left, she was crying, hugging, hurting that i was going to be away. After i got back to canada, i got emails daily from her how she loved me, missed me, could not wait to see me and hold me, etc etc. Then she informed me that she was going to visit a girlfriend out of town and that she would be back on a Tuesday and that she wanted me to be on msn messenger to chat cause she missed me incredibly. I missed her also the same way. WEll, she got back Thursday, did not email me that she was staying longer. I was upset, and i had sent an email giving her heck for not telling me where she was when i was waiting for her. And i must admit, I was a bit out of line, but just because of my being upset and frustrated. She said she could not email me cause her friend's computer had a virus. Then she said i did not trust her, that i did not want her to be with her friends, that sort of stuff - not true, beleive me. Anyhow, she then informed me that she was done with me, that i could not change, that she would love me forever, she said she promised that, that i will always be her baby doll. that she will help me with anything at all that i need done in china. But that she was never coming back.

I finally got home last sunday - she has stayed at our apartment after she broke up with me, but moved to her dad's the day before i arrrived home. I did not see her until 2 days ago, i had gone to the store and she went by on her bike and stopped. She had a great smile for me, said wow, do you ever look great, (i grew a beard back in canada) etc etc - i got a bit emotional and said i cant talk right now and walked away - she let me walk a bit and then drove up and stopped me again and talked again. She asked me to come to her new company headquarters and she would like to show me around her new place of employement. And we had sold a dog we had a while ago and she asked me to go with her to see the dog at the new owners place. She has said she will have dinner with me and the odd show, but that is all.

Last night she came to the apartment to fix the internet, i was not here then. I had a picture of another girl that i had met, nothing at all there, but she immediately paged me on my cell phone and wanted to know who the girl was in the picture? Also, i asked her if she wanted to keep my other key for the apt in case i lost mine or whatever, and she said of course, she would love to.

So, you can maybe see my being confused here. I have given her ample opportunities to tell me to hit the road - iasked her the other day, do you want me to leave you alone and disappear and get lost? She said of course not, you think to much. So i am confused, beleive me, and could sure use some input from others on what is going on here? My thinking is that, if it is over and she is never coming back, why not just keep away from all the stuff she has been doing, i will always love you, etc etc - makes no sense to me. Please help, all comments and suggestions will be appreciated

She just came on the msn messenger, she is at work, and she is coming home to her dad's home, right across from the apartment, she is going out of town on business this weekend. I asked her if she wanted to stop by and i would make her lunch, she said that she needs to sleep - she works very long hours - she needs to sleep for the trip which is 13 hours by train. Then she asked me if i minded, i said mind what? She said, that she sleeps. Factor that comment, do you mind, is that ok, into any responses you may have. I could sure use some helpful suggestions and comments, from women and men, on what is going on here, is it really over for good as she says or what? Wow, am i ever confused big time