Confused, confused, confused
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Confused, confused, confused
| Thu, 07-06-2006 - 7:38pm |
hello, I broke up with my boyfriend of two years about two months ago. I then wanted him back and begged him. For two weeks he told me "I'm not sure anymore" "If you loved me you would wait until I'm not confused"...blah blah. Finally,he told me that he didn't love me anymore and did not want to be with me along with other hurtful comments.However, he continued to take my calls and call me back each time telling me he did want me in his life as a friend. He also gave me weird lines like "I want you to date other guys to see what an idiot i am".Some days he would be nice to me, other days he was a complete jerk. Three weeks ago I realized I needed to stop talking to him. His birthday was also in that three weeks and I forced myself to not call. However, he called me the other day- and I ignored his call. I was the one who brokeup with him...but ultimately I feel horrible. I feel like he is doing fine...or seems to be...and i force myself to not call or call back because I dont want to look any more desperate than i did about a month ago. I wish he still cared and wanted me back but his one phone call doesnt say that at all. Was he thinking about me? i guess so since he called. But it was only once...I feel like i deserve something out of this....why does he continue to "win" as i sit here and feel worthless? need advice!!!!

As I see it, it's not about winning or losing. It's not a game. You probably had good reasons for leaving him, right? Either he wasn't treating you well or you just weren't getting enough in the relationship, so you left. Did you expect him to get really upset and beg you to come back? Maybe a little part of you did. And when he didn't do that you felt like he didn't really care and you felt bad ... so you wanted him to give you another chance. And then he rejected you.
It sounds like you're really better off not talking to him anymore. There are many reasons you left him. Start your healing with a list of all the reasons you had for leaving him and take a look at it when you start getting sad. If you like to write, consider keeping a journal and writing down all your feelings. Read posts here to see how many people are also going through heartbreak and surviving it. Read and post often.
And finally, stay away from him. Stop calling him and stop taking his calls. Move on with your life. In time you will heal and feel better and maybe even love again ...
Hi there,
Getting over a relationship, and moving on, isn't about winning or losing. Awhile ago, I had a feeling that I needed to do things to make my ex hurt or feel bad, because I felt as though he was getting the upper hand on things, and I once and for all wanted to get a few points. I secretly wanted him to want me back, just so I could say no. But you know what? It gets you nowhere. It leaves you in the past, with all the hurt and anger and confusion.
Maybe it's time to just stop talking to him or communicating with him for a few months. It's a tough situation, and I'm certainly not a mindreader, but I think there was a reason that you broke up with him in the first place. Can you go back and think about it for a moment, really think to see what you can come up with? Maybe you have been so wound up in all the drama of this post-relationship turmoil that you have forgotten the initial reason?
I'm not really sure why you feel as though you "deserve" something out of this. Thinking this way is just going to lead to more heartache. I know it's still really hard on you, but I think that you have to move on as well. I'm not sure if you wanted him to want you back, or what the situation was.
Like I said, I think that not communicating with him for awhile would really help you sort out your feelings and emotions. Maybe then you can figure out the relationship for what it was worth. Trust me, it does help to cease contact for awhile, and let everything take its course of action while you heal.
Edited 7/7/2006 12:04 am ET by autumngirly