confused, happy, long distance
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| Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:25am |
I met a guy in Janurary, who I took as a casual dater, I was not looking for anything serious. He lived 1.5 hours away, so we hung out weekends only - which was fine - lots of space for both of us. I met his family & friends with in the first month.(all his choice) Apparently he was the happiest they have seen him in years. After two months he decided he loved me and said it all the time. That was a bit disturbing, but I was so happy, he was what I wanted, had the family i needed, everything was too good. He convinced me he was my "prince". He was the complete opposite of what i had prev. dated. i was utterly spoiled and on cloud 9.
In April, it came up that he wanted to move to San Diego with his buddy for the summer. He stunned me by asking me to go along. I said, you are serious about 'us' arent you? He replied, yes i am - I want to experience this with you.
This never happened, we didnt move. I was happier staying anyway.
In our own minds, we plotted our own futures. I was thinking of going back to school @ community college, incase i DID move, i had something to fall back on (get me a better paying job)and if i didnt, same thing, nothing wrong with school. In his head, he planned to do NSE (National student exchange) and go to CA in the fall to 'finish his degree and try to make it' (hes in acting). He was shoccked when i told him i'm not folloing him out there. I'm not ready for that, we each need to live our lives (hes 21, i'm 23) before any commitment. so we went on being a couple all summer knowing we'd 'split' in the fall.
this was weird for both of us, but why end something when you dont yet have to?
we 'broke up' twice thru the summer due to these thought of 'we are gonna split anyway dancing in our heads'. both times i deleted him from my life, no calls emails, etc. I learned from my last relations to go with my gut. This time my gut feeling was "he cant go on with out you he will be back" - and he came back to me with in 2 days, each time, crying and whining.
Two weeks ago from now, we called it quits, till further notice. we both want what we had, but cant commit. He continues to call and hang out once a week.
i'm freaking out cause i just went camping with him and his family this weekend - expecting to be non affectionate / intimate. he initiated everything, hand holding, kissing, napping together, etc - all that mushy bf/gf stuff. the hardest was sunday when we all took camping pictures together, the family demanded one of him and i hugging. i refused, but he wanted it. WTF is this? he wanted to break it off? Now its like he is trying to hang on - he said he didnt have enough pics of us to take to CA? he mentioned getting back together in the future. right now he is in love with moving out there and it took over his mind, i know that he is soo nervous and feeling all of these emotions - theres not really room for a gf (who isnt that demanding or harping at all). He told me that, and that he doesnt want responsibilities. How lineant can you be? I dont know what to think or feel.
He called me last night (everyday he does this) to see how i am how my day was. He cant go a day with out hearing from me. (Note: i never call him) Now this kid is definatley compatible with me, but not yet relationship matierial - and i can see that.
bottom line....
I'm a full time employee, full time student. I don't have the time for a full blown relationship either! I might have met (who i think is) mr. right too soon. We both have growing to do. Do we just need to communicate better?
I keep saying, I can't wait till he moves, either he will completely move on from me, or come back home and realize it wasnt that bad.
I have a date in two weeks, and went out a couple times, i know i still got it - i have no problem being single again.
I just needed to vent this all out - if any poor soul that read this has feedback its so appreciated. my friends dont know us that well as a couple, but think we are great when around us. their feedback is always "ditch the dude" and its old. haha.
Thank you ladies so much!!
xoxoxo
gina
| Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:02am |
