confused.Help..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
confused.Help..
3
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 9:22pm

Long story...here it goes...please help

About a year and a few months ago I dated this guy who id liked for almost a year. We dated for like a week and then I dumped him for some stupid reason that neither of us remember now. Anyways, the night him and I broke up he started going out with some other girl, who ironically is now my best friend. Anyways...they dated for like a month, and then she dumped him to go out with someone else, but that only lasted a few days. Within those few days my ex and I started talking again and we wanted to go back out, but he was a little depressed about just having a break up with the other girl, who had become my friend really quickly. Anyways, we were going to go back out, and then she told me she really liked him still and she wanted to go back out with him. She didnt know him and I were going to go back out. And she told him she wanted to be with him again, and then he got confused and didnt know what to do...So I stepped aside. I let her have him, because she was my friend. And her happiness meant more to me at the time than some guy. Anyways, they broke up about 3 months later and she has a new boyfriend now. And I am once again going out with the guy we had both wanted. Anyways, him and I started talking and played like 20 questions with each other, to learn things we didnt know. The thing I learned, was that he still likes my best friend, his ex. And he said the only reason hes giving up on her is because he has me. The fact that she has a boyfriend means nothing to him. And then I got upset because ive already lost him to her once. And this time, she isn't even in the picture, and shes still standing in the way of him and me. I don't know what to do. I can tell she still likes him, or has some sort of feelings for him. I can see the way she looks at him and how she really doesn't like me going out with him. But she loves her boyfriend, and she wont leave him, not for some crush on an ex. But I don't know what to do. He likes her, and I understand how he can like someone else. Ive done it before, but you choose one or the other, and if they choose who they are with thats great. But im not sure whether he chose me because he likes me more, or whether its most continent, or whether hed leave me if he could have her. Theres so many things going through my head. But hes already said that he wont hurt me...But then, if thats true, then how do I know that he doesnt want to leave now and is just staying because he said he wont hurt me. I dont know what to do...please..please help me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: angel4259
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 11:12am

Oh girl, I hate to do this to you, but there's no confusion here at all:


The only reason he's not with her is because he has you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2007
In reply to: angel4259
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 12:01pm

Oh honey...

Not only are you caught up in a circle, you had my head going in circles.

I agree with the other poster... he's already told you that he's not in it because he wants to be. He's in it because your friend isn't available. That should be a big slap in the face and a shot to your ego! You're better than that. Don't take it. Gain some self respect and tell him nicely that you'll wait for the right guy to come along who wants you, not the scraps.

Pick your head up & smile. Think of all the fun you'll have moving on, finding someone else, and then reveling in the joy of a new relationship.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: angel4259
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 2:53pm

In addition to the good advice you have gotten, I only wanted to add that I feel bad for you. It's hard to like someone and want to be with them when they are still hung up on an ex. Some people take longer to heal. You may help him through the 'transistion' period and help him heal, by being there, but you will always wonder about his feelings for you because he's not healed yet. You boost his ego and save him from being alone.

Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie