confusement replaces relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
confusement replaces relationship
2
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 8:50pm

Dear "to anyone who reads this",

I am in need of help. Confusement seems my way of life. I told my boyfriend at the age of 16 that i loved him. at that moment it felt good and the right thing to say. We we're best friends for a year and a half, so since my infatuation lasted that long, I thought that it was the right thing to say. Four years later, I started to question things and how i felt. During the relationship, he left and went to serve in Iraq, and i got used to not seeing him for 9 months. I got used to it and told my roommate at the time that it was bittersweet because i missed him as a boyfriend, but i didn't have to worry about the relationship. I was happy when he came back and we continued the relationship.
ever since july of last year, I realize that there was no "feeling in the gut" anymore. was worried about that and then it turned to if i was still in love with him. School had started and when we didn't see each other he would say things like "i miss you" after seeing him for 2 days. I never understood that. I didn't miss him. To make the long story short, we only saw each other once or twice a week, probably had a date to the movies once a month and i didn't feel any romance. I will talk to him about it and he would explain to me that he's doing everything he could. It made me feel bad but we didn't even feel like best friends anymore. I contemplated staying or going because i guess i started to feel bored. I started listening to all of my nursing school friends saying that they miss their boyfriends while they're off to school and all of them are getting married. I didn't know if i should have gotten jealous or just to be happy for them. All of the sudden my bf's father passes 2 weeks ago. I tried to be there for him despite the situation with us but i felt like that i could do nothing because he's a strong man-was there for his family. Then last sunday, he breaks up with me. Now during the relationship i thought that i would be relieved. I previously also thought about dating other people. Now i seem like i can't do that. I don't know if i said that because i was unhappy or if i really need to explore that. This is probably the most painful thing that has ever happened to me. We never argued and questioning my feelings was the only issue we had. he knew that i was naturally a worry-wart, but i'm just confused about if i was "in love" with him. When we would get together, nothing would "stir-up" in me and i thought our connection was lost. He was a good man-it was clearly opposites attract. I guess that when the infatuation was there, it was easier to say "love of my life", but at 16, i'm only 16! :) i would still marry the man today. even though this separation is something that we may need, it feels like crap. It feels like the relationship is unfinished and if dating someone is what i need to do, i would only use them because the only person i would want to be serious with is him-my bf. it's crazy because when we were together i couldn't stand just being in his house all night and not going out, but i would kill for that right now. I guess i miss him. I guess i worried myself to death or over-analyzed because i was trying to put my relationship first in my life, and he put it last! anyone who is experienced about this subject called love, and how it feels at four years or longer, please let me know what to do. Thanks, Megan

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 9:00pm

Hi Megan and welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 9:54am
i appreciate your comment about my discussion-this is just so hard. I dream about him almost every night since the break up, and there are too many could of, would of, should of's in my mind. It would be hard for me to say no interms of us getting back together. I'm not the most religious person but i prayed and asked whatever you want with the relationship happen, let it happen. He knows things before they happen so i guess this was coming. I just wish that i can learn now what i need to learn so that i can get back with him. this is hard as hell. I feel like that we're still together when we're not.