constantly comparing. what do i do?
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| Thu, 01-25-2007 - 10:46am |
so i've been "sort of seeing" this new guy lately. we've just been hanging out and stuff, nothing serious...but whenever we part ways and i get to thinking, i realize that i am constantly compairing him to my ex. for example, this new guy isn't really good at making a move (he is sort of nervous about it)...he always makes excuses to touch me (like, he isn't man enough to just put his hand on my leg...he has to like pretend he's tired and like "accidently" put it there). i dunno, it's like he can't just put himself out there and make a real move and like take control of the situation...which is something that my ex was PERFECT at. and i know it horrible to keep conpairing every new guy i meet to my ex...because i will never find anyone like him.
i ust don't know what to do...it'd been over two months, and i think i'm ready to see someone new (in fact, i tohught that owuld HELP me forget about my ex) but the fact of the matter is that i always feel depressed, alone, and incredibly nostalgic for what i had with my ex after i go on a date, or even just hang out with a guy at my place. i know my ex isnt the same person he used to be, and he does not want me in his life (and after how he treated me i don't want him in mine) but how do i stop compairing all the things he did to what this new guy (or nay other new guy, for that matter) is doing.
it's like...there were specific reasons that i loved my ex. and it all boils down the the tiny details, so i wish i could just tell this new guy to step it up and take control. it's really very unattractive when i guy is so nervous and weird about like touching a girl or even making a move. i dunno! what do i do?! i wish i could stop compairing the two...but i don't see that happenning. is this a natural thing to do? or am i just dwelling on pointless things for far too long? i know i wont find someone who is exactly like my ex again, i know. but the little things that make me miss him so much are really very easy for another guy to do. i don't know!
any thoughts?

Don't beat this new guy up--he seems pretty shy and please don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way but maybe your break-up has left you a little guarded and maybe that is what is coming across to him. Maybe the next time you are together reach out and hold his hand and offer him a little encouragement.
And remember--every relationship is different.
wow thats funny that touching part...lol well all man are different in a way esp...how to react infront of us...there's some of them are really slow...and there's some of them are so fast "very fast"...so its all depend!!!
maybe you havent seen the right person....i'm assuming your just like me "picky"..well it will take time..dont worry if it is time you'll know it...trust me!!! good luck
It sounds like you are not over your ex and you are trying to find someone to fill that void. This also sounds like a rebound since you are comparing him to your ex. Don't take this the wrong way but people who are insecure will rebound date after a painful breakup. My advice to you is to get out of the dating game for awhile and heal until you feel you won't compare a future date to your ex. I was very heartbroken after my ex did the disappearing act 7 months ago and I am just now healed to the point where I can say "my ex is out of my heart and I can move on". Until you get to this point, leave men alone and concentrate on yourself.
I have realized during these last 7 months that I can be a whole person without being a half a couple and it feels pretty darn good.
Good Luck!