Contact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Contact?
3
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 10:01pm

I broke up with him a little over a month ago. He still calls me and drops hints that he wants to come over. We had a pretty long discussion last weekend and rehashed why we broke up. He seems to be having a hard time accepting things. I know that I need to tell him that we need to have no contact, but his dad is very ill and I don't know how to handle that situation. Is is feasable to have no contact with conditions so that he could call me if something happens to his dad?

He doesn't understand why we can't talk or see each other and I don't really know how to explain it to him. Any suggestions? He is holding on and I hold on a little because he does. I find myself going over in my head the reasons why we broke up several times a day and feel like I have to be on guard. He wants to be friends and I have tried to explain that we have to get past our romantic feelings before that can happen. He thinks if there are still romantic feelings then we should be together. I can't be mean to him but I need to be able to move on.

Any thoughts?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hopeful615
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 10:23pm

He needs to grasp the concept that just because you love someone, doesn't mean you're right for each other. And by the same token, just because you break up with someone, doesn't mean that you don't love them or at least have lingering romantic feelings for them and that you can go straight to being friends. He's hoping being "friends" will get you to change your mind, it sounds like. And while it might seem cruel to him, he'll be better off in the long run if you don't have contact.

I do understand that you want to be there for him due to his father's illness, but the bottom line is, you're broken up. That means he needs to find other support systems, because that's not your role anymore. You can try doing the no contact with exceptions that you're proposing but I have a feeling he will take too much advantage of the loophole.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
In reply to: hopeful615
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 10:50am
Sheri is right--he needs to lean on his family and friends right now. You know that not staying in touch is the right thing so you need to stick to it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
In reply to: hopeful615
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 2:30pm

wow. I could have posted this message. I thought about that too, because my ex found out about a year ago that he is experiencing Kidney failure and will likely need dialysis in the very near future. I tried just checking up on his health but like that and the thing with the friend is just a loophole to keep him in touch with me.