continuing the relationship
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continuing the relationship
| Wed, 08-25-2004 - 5:06pm |
i've been with my boyfriend for about 4 1/2 years. he is 55yrs old and i'm 37 yrs old. he is the warmest, funny, and nice man i have every met. he has been injured (knees, ankles, back and neck) years before i've met him. recently he has been in pain a lot more. so he can't do a lot of walking (long distance), hiking, any outdoor activity...in which i enjoy doing. he says he feels older than 55 because of his injuries. he wants to end the relationship because he feels i deserve better or someone who i can enjoy more outdoor activities with.
i know for a fact he loves me very much and will always be there for me. i'm very confident about his feelings for me......but it's hard to move on because he hasn't done anything mean to me nor has he been a jerk. he's just letting me know.....if i want to continue with him i may have to sacrifice my life a bit. i told him i have friends to enjoy outdoor activies with. he knows i haven't and wouldn't be happy. but if i seriously think about it maybe it might be the right decision. am i being selfish? if i love him enough......i should understand his injuries. meaning i shouldn't expect doing any type of outdoor activities together. it's really hard to imagine him not in my life....because he has been so good to me.
i know for a fact he loves me very much and will always be there for me. i'm very confident about his feelings for me......but it's hard to move on because he hasn't done anything mean to me nor has he been a jerk. he's just letting me know.....if i want to continue with him i may have to sacrifice my life a bit. i told him i have friends to enjoy outdoor activies with. he knows i haven't and wouldn't be happy. but if i seriously think about it maybe it might be the right decision. am i being selfish? if i love him enough......i should understand his injuries. meaning i shouldn't expect doing any type of outdoor activities together. it's really hard to imagine him not in my life....because he has been so good to me.
i'm sad and confused!!!
casandra52005
Edited 8/25/2004 6:59 pm ET ET by casandra52005

If you love him and want to stay with him then you must find a way to enjoy your social life and make him understand that both of you have to adapt to the current situation.
Iliana
The way you are responding to this leads me to believe that you havent been in many long term relationships. I may be wrong and i apologize if you take that comment the wrong way, but at 37, there must be things you cannot do now that you use to when you were a teenager. We all age, we all become more limited in one way or another. Well, thats how some people feel.
I think change is good and opens doors to things you may not have thought of. If being outdoors is a huge part of your life that would really impact the amount of time you spend with him, then i guess you have those priorities and he loses. But if its a pass-time you enjoy doing, then do it with your girlfriends and find new things to do with your mate!
Perhaps there are other reasons why you are so willing to let this man go that you love and who loves you.
THe fact that you woudl trade hiking for your partner, when in fact you could have both, makes no sense to me. Partners do not have to do everything together, and in fact, in my opinion, it is best if they dont. It is healthy fo ryou to go spend time with your girlfriends or just go hiking by yourself. Remember only balance makes for a healthy relationship.
first of all thank you for responding. but i left out one very important thing....that is, we haven't had sex for about a year. he gives me several reasons why we don't....one reason is because he doesn't ever want to make me feel like he has been using me. he knows eventually in the future i want to get married. he is not sure, because he's been through it once and is scared. second reason....he also has a son in his early 20's who he wants to make sure he gets on his own two feet. it's hard because to me his son is a spoil brat who expects everything to be handed to him. parents broke up at an early age and his father took care of him....mom left him to his father. in which, i think is awesome. he has been in contact with his mother. his son can't hold a job. still does not have one. i feel the son needs tough love but my boyfriend is to leniant with him. he didn't even complete his h/s diploma. i don't understand that! his son is not terrible kid but needs to grow up and take responsiblities soon. i quess i wish my boyfriend would tell his son to move out and find a job because i want to marry "me". it would be different if his son was going to college but he has no intention.
there's more but maybe i'll share later.
that is why i'm confused. i don't know what to do.
casandra5
If you haven't had sexual relationships with your boyfriend during a year, then the problem is not that simple. Do you want to live the rest of your life with a man who is not interested in sex and who does not want to marry?. Do you think there is a way to fix the problem?.
In many cases, we stay in a relationship because we think that in the future things will change in some way. Unfortunately most of the time they don't change.
Iliana
I have to agree with Iliana. I just got out of a relationship (although he turned it around and broke up with me when i brough tissues up) in which my sex drive was not being met. And that was just several months. Sex to me is important and i know that i couldnt be in a relaitonship like that again.
Its up to you to make a decision, but if you decide to stay accept that things may never change. If you're ok with that then fine, but if you aren't don't marry someone because you expect him to change