Convince him he's wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Convince him he's wrong?
9
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 1:24pm

First, I want to apologize for the lengthy summary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 5:10pm
I tried convincing my ex that it was a mistake and to be honest it hurt more afterwards. Trying to convince them gives them more reason to justify the break-up. You push them away more into thinking they made the right choice. You can't control what goes on in their head and sometimes it's best to not know. You'll be fine on your own. He practically gave up on you. You have to love yourself before you love someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 5:38pm

I'm very sorry this is such a confusing time for you.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2008
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 6:18pm
If you take ONE thing away from here, please, please let it be this:


DO NOT BEG, CRY, PLEAD OR TRY TO PERSUADE HIM IN ANY WAY TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH YOU.



DON'T.




This guy told you that he's no longer happy with you?! I don't care WHAT his excuse is, if any... ANY of my exes had ever said that to me... I probably would've cried for 3 months straight. That's so mean. That's just so... awful. I can't imagine any of them saying something like that to me. How can he say something so hurtful? You know what, I HAVE had exes that I just wasn't happy with anymore. But even though I didn't want to be with them, I still cared a lot, I still didn't want to hurt them. So I gave them some harmless lie. I couldn't imagine caring so little about his feelings that I'd ever want to break his heart or something.




I'm not sure what more he can do to you. He already dumped you, he already said something really, really hurtful right to you. I mean, yeah, if you want him to think he can say awful things to you and dump you and make you cry all in the same day and you'll STILL be in love with him? I can't even... wrap my head around that idea. I think it's kind of sad. And I think if you gave it a few days, didn't answer the second he called, didn't see him for a few days, he would probably miss you and be begging you to take him back.

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." -Confucius

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." -Confucius

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 6:52pm

Hello, and welcome to the boards.

I do not understand why people are so confused that when someone says something "mean" or does something "mean"- you still love that person. I just want you to know that I understand that you still love him. After all, you didn't see any reasons the relationship should end and it seems still as though it may not.

What confuses ME is how people can expect others to turn off their emotions immediately like because he said he was not happy, you suddenly don't love him anymore. Love is a mature emotion and not everyone is capable of it. It is completely possible to love and care for people that hurt you. Everyone in everyone's life has done or said something to hurt them; it does not mean you stop loving them.

So, with that said, I really think that if you do not try to convince him, he will come to the realization on his own and miss you and come back. And, if not, you will feel better about yourself for having not essentially "begged" and been shot down anyway. That has always worked for me in the past.

Good luck and keep us updated,
Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2007
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 9:03pm

I am going to go against what everyone else says and say this....


If you are both still on a friendship level of being able to talk to each other, then I would certainly bring up your points on all this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 5:30pm

So hi everyone and thanks for the advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 6:18pm
Yes, you are very lucky to have family in the same city. I really could use that right now. It's good that you won't let him see you cry. If my bf calls me to see how I am doing and I don't sound 100% cheerful he will hang up on me or not come home (we live together). I assume he is staying with the girl he left me for. So you are very lucky you have that advantage- and do take that time for yourself! Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Sat, 03-22-2008 - 11:51am

So you guys when does it start getting better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Sat, 03-22-2008 - 12:53pm

Hi Nicole,

If I had another place to stay, I would do exactly what youre doing! He mostly is not at home, but when he does come home- I am here and the house is clean and the bills are paid up...it's really not fair. At least this way, your bf comes home to an empty house and has to take care of things on his own. So, this way you will be able to set boundaries of what is and is not acceptable.

Believe me, I know how hard it is. I am EXCELLENT about not calling, but if he calls I have to force myself to count rings so I don't pick up too eagerly, and sometimes I don't pick up at all. I am nervous now tho cuz he is at work now but will possibly be coming home by tonight and I think he has off tomorrow. If he doesn't come home- then I sorta know he is probably with another girl and off doing his own thing. And, believe me, that HURTS! So, I know what you mean about him having friends around and things to distract him.

On the one hand, I think if they didn't have these other people to distract them, they might be able to feel the pain of missing us. On the other hand, I am thinking, if they really cared- NOTHING should be able to distract them from us and their feelings for us.

I don't know your situation but in mine- my bf does have some psychological issues which affect his ability to appropriately have relationships (even with his family & friends- they are all messed up...so it is not just me). But, still, I am trying not to look at that as an excuse. And whatever your bf's issues are shouldn't be an excuse either. I do believe tho that we have a much stronger chance of things working out in our best interests (either we get back together and are treated with the respect we deserve OR we find out the truth and slowly move on to the life we deserve) if we continue to "back off" and let them do the contacting and the missing...

What do you think??

<3 Liz XO