Coping with a live-in breakup

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Coping with a live-in breakup
13
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 12:46pm

Hi folks,
First off, I didn't realize that iVillage was mainly female oriented... maybe that's better, because I need some perspective from that side. I've been with this girl (we're both in our mid-late 20's) for over 5 years. We've lived together at various places for about 3.5-4 of those 5 years. Anyways now it's all come to an end: details asside, she is really depresed, told me that she has fallen out of love, wants to find herself again, gain her independence, go back to school, etc.

She is deep in debt and no where to go right away. It was a very 'humane' (for lack of better terms) and civilized breakup, we discussed everything that happened.

She does intend to move out, but unable to immediately. So is there any advice for how to cope with having her still around? I still find myself dribbling in tears everytime I see her, it just spawns random memories. This can't be a healthy healing process, but I can't just throw her out. She's sleeping in the spare bedroom, and we at least talk, you know about the small things, laundry, her day at work, etc. I want to be as supportive as possible, I know this is hard on both of us, but I feel so pathetic losing it all the time around her.

Should I just put off trying to recover untill after she's moved out, or is there something I can do now? As I said to her, I don't know how this is supposed to work, as I just can't turn my feelings off for her.

Thanks for reading.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 6:34pm
It does help to put it on paper. Can you take a vacation and get away for awhile?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 5:33pm

Well, sticky isn't even the word... this has been, and is really horrible. She moved out about 3-4weeks ago. This house, everything, just doesn't seem to matter much any more. I find myself asking what is it all for at this point? I've at least been out, trying to meet new people, but it's been one futile venture after another. Am I kidding myself?


I guess my only advice is to work everything out, logistically/financially before he/she moves out, because it is something I do *not* want to deal with anymore (yet am being screwed if I don't).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 7:15pm

Hi slipnfall,

Everything you feel is normal. It's all part of the grieving process.

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