Coping with seeing my ex every day

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Coping with seeing my ex every day
2
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 3:55pm

Hello,
I am looking for some advice on my break-up that happened three months ago. I go to graduate school with my ex and we have nearly every class together. We have many of the same friends so I find it difficult if not impossible to avoid him. As a result, we have had to become friends even though I know that this is prolonging my healing. He has been adamant about remaining friends even though the break-up was entirely his doing. Honestly, I would like to have a clean and total break from him; our mutual friendships as well as the small community in which we go to school make that tough to do.

I have made an effort to be polite to him but keep him at arm's length for my own sanity. However, I find this painful, too, and occassionally lapse into having coffee or lunch with him. Has anyone else ever been in this sticky situation and if so, do you have any advice on moving on even though the ex is constantly present? I am so appreciative of any advice!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 4:26pm
I am going through the EXACT same situation. My ex broke up with me three weeks ago and we are in graduate school together. We are in a cohort, so ALL of our classes are the same :( He has insisted on friendship as well. He had just broken up with his ex and said he was confused about whether or not he was ready to break up with her. I was getting ready to post my own thread! Any way, it was SO hard at first but how I dealt with it at first was to distance myself. I told him I needed space and that I couldn't be friends with him yet. I sat away from him and ignored him .. but not in a childish way. I was cordial and that's it. Last night I sat next to him, because it was creating an uncomfortable tension sitting across the room because I was always thinking about him sitting behind me. Last night I acted like nothing had ever happened between us and I was totally cool with him. After class he called me and said he appreciated how nice I was to him and said he assumed that had been hard for me to do ... and I said, no it wasn't hard at all. He had overheard that I was going on a date after class too. Then this morning I had this LONG email from him telling me that I was settling by going out with other guys and my head and heart should tell me that ... and he wasn't back together with his ex and blah, blah, blah. I think he is having second thoughts about us. Any, that's my issue. I would suggest NOT going to lunch with him and making it too easy for him. HE broke up with you, he shouldn't get the benefit of your friendship YET. Be polite, talk about class, and act carefree and like it doesn't bother you ... after a while it really WON'T. Mine happened more quickly but the more you act this way, the sooner you will buy into it yourself. I also started talking to other people in my class that I hadn't before and I have made some new friends. Best of luck to you! Muah!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 4:41pm

::He has been adamant about remaining friends even though the break-up was entirely his doing.

What so he doesn't feel about about breaking up with you? He's not the bad guy? Geez. You don't have to 'be friends' with him. But that means it all falls on you - you have to be the one to set boundaries, you have to enforce them, and you have to be the strong one. You will have to put your needs first and make it happen.

Good luck to you!


Carrie