could this be a setback?
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could this be a setback?
| Sun, 12-25-2005 - 11:39am |
I don't call or talk to my ex anymore. It's been almost a week. Feels like much longer and very very hellish, yes, but at the same time I feel good about it. There have been many times when I'm tempted to give in, and I have overcome that. However, I am guilty of some things that I feel like might be a "guilty pleasure" since it doesn't really do harm (or does it?) I still have my ex on my msn list and I look at his display pic ritually every time I go online (basically everyday) and once (actually for the past 2 days) it's been the rocket one which is the generic one that MSN gives you if you are using MSN on someone's computer. I analyze it and think crazy thoughts and get sad, but I never do anything about it. I don't call nor cry myself to sleep. Then I also check his msn status using the status checker to see if he's blocked me (if he was offline). I find my behaviour extremely stalker-ish and I'm starting to feel desperate even though he does not have a single clue. I also go to this forum which he regularly posts to see what his "mood" is that day. What the hell am I doing? I have no intentions of talking to me, I swear to god I will not even though I was soooooo tempted but I know I couldn't. So what am I doing? Have I turned temporarily insane? I hope it's temporary. I am obessed with my ex. What should I do?

It could be a few different things - curiosity, wanted to be wanted, wanting to wallow in your feelings or in those fantasies?
Only you have the real answer and it will take some soul searching to figure it out. What's the pay-off for you emotionally that you get from checking?
Carrie