Could I really forgive my Ex ?
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| Sun, 04-08-2007 - 4:12am |
Hi there
Well a lot of us here when asked would say we wanted our ex back and work though all the problems which led to the break up. Up till today I would be in the same boat. However i am now after 3 weeks filled with a feeling of sadness knowing that if (thats a big if) he were to change his mind and beg forgiveness- I just dont think i could ever trust him ever again. I have ran many get back together fantizies in my mind but if the reality came true i think i would be terrified.
Its so painful because we had a great relationship which ended abuptly and cruely from his side. If we got back together I wouldnt beable to look at him in the same light, i would always have at the back of my mind he was gonna do it again. I can imagine myself freaking out if i dont hear from him for a few days and analysisng all of his actions.
Theres also a question of my own self respect, why would i allow myself to let this person back into my life after all the pain he caused? What would he and all my friends and family view me as? I am still very much in love with him so if he was to reappear it would be a very hard decision. I know what my heart would tell me... whatever happens im gonna make sure i do whats best for me.

never_hurt_so_much...
Pianoguy thinks you already answered your own question.
Skip down and re-read the second sentence in your 2nd paragraph and the first sentence in your paragraph 3.
One deals with trust...the other appearances. And in both cases, these are issues that obviously bother you.
Give yourself more time to BE SINGLE and SORT THINGS OUT!
Pianoguy
Hey There,
I have been & I'm still in the position you are in. I totally understand. With break ups I believe comes a PROCESS of healing. We go through the shock, crying, bargaining, convincing, then hurt, anger and then acceptance that it's over -then sometimes re live it all over again over time. Then, after a period of time, we fantasize about a reunion! (FYI- I'm going to be actually dealing with my fantasy "reunion" type thing this week...actually SEEING him in the felsh, face to face, looking him in the eyes while having a "catch-up" coffee meeting.)
As I write this, I'm still working this out in my head..I have also been in this position of wondering "if we got back together, would I ever really TRUST his words & actions after what he did" "Would I feel the same again, would things feel different?" We broke up & went back & forth for almost 4-5 (or so) weeks...we even got so bad that while trying to hold onto this relationship we got into bed together(during the back & forth) more than 3 times-however our physical stuff was abruptly stopped (by him)for different reasons (that hurt me in MANY ways. Also, during the back & forth weeks he slept with another woman~he said this happened while out of town on business, and always told me that traveling for business wasn't as great as everyone imagines- there are no reandom women to pick up etc- YET, it happened!
NOW, my thoughts...if we EVER got back together.. FIRST, How difficult would it be to EVER get back into bed with him & be intimate - as would he "shut me off" again in the middle? SECOND, would he always compare me sexually to the other woman/women he has experienced at the end of & after our breakup (I don't even know if he is with someone NOW?) THIRD, will I EVER trust that he isn't with someone else either when out of town or even at home but not reachable?? THEN I turn to this thought...IF (& I SAY IF) we ever got back together I have to believe that he would NOT come back to me unless he realized while apart that his feelings were STRONGER than he thought & he really WANTED me back! You see, I believed (and he said) we broke up due to (this could be a lie) his feelings being uncertain about me? He knew I loved him~but DIDN'T know if he love me or cared enough for me- was it love? He didn't want to lead me on longer if his feelings didn't grow more- he figured after a year they should've already developed?!However, he admits, in past relationships before me, he always got "stuck" on the feelings stuff! SO I think - if he wanted me back...he would have really had to have reached a conclusion about his feelings, or sees he cares ENOUGH to try to get past his fears & work on things together- which is what I wanted anyway?
Ok, so I do the same as you & I'm sure many others. As you can see, I've been working it through in my head? Wondering now, did I ever really KNOW him?
I'm suppose to see him this week & I wonder what my insides will feel like to lay my eyes on his, and when I walk in and give him a hug - how will that feel? Not just for Me but for HIM too?
If I went off alittle, I'm sorry - I'm working on it all too! I believe just by making contact with him and now going to sit with & see him, I've already "Forgiven" however, the REAL BIG question is this...Will I/We EVER really have the ability to "Forget"!?
Makes me think of the Dixie Chicks..."I'm not ready to make Nice"...The lyrics: "Forgive sounds Good, Forget, I'm not sure I could..they say time heals everything...but I'm still waiting".
All my best to you & Happy EASTER! Sweetie