Could it be anymore painful?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Could it be anymore painful?
2
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 1:17pm
Hello guys Im so glad I found this board. Im taking a break from a four year live in relationship. He is 27 I am 24. We had our share of problems and bad luck. I started to notice a change in him four months ago. He became less attentive. We started fighting more and more. And I just felt like he didnt love me anymore. We lost our baby back in NOv its been 8 months and I am suffering from severe depression from it. I guess this has put a damper on his life. With my constant moodiness. He asked me to go on meds. But i didnt want to feel like some quack. Althrough I have used the in the past and I am on them now through the "breakup" He told me He wasnt going to marry me and be miserable(sp) the rest of his life. That was the last straw I moved out. Its been 5 weeks. But we been seeing each other every other day and on the phone everyday. At first he wanted me to move back in now He doesnt know what he wants anymore. He said he cant explain it he doesnt know why but he doesnt feel the same. he loves me and he wants to have another baby with me bt he cant deal witht he fighting. We went to counseling once. And have another scheduled on the 16th. He said he doesnt know if that will help we just have had so much bad stuff happen in this relationship. he said there are no good memories anymore. I cried and I cried. I feel like he calls me to make sure Im still here. But as soon as I come around alot He pushes me away again. Because he doesnt know what he wants. Living together for 3 yrs it now feels like a marriage I feel like this is a divorce and on top of it we lost our baby together. Can someone please give me some insight? I lost 12 pounds these last few weeks I cant eat sleep. I feel like everything is falling apart in my life. I know its depression. I just want to be happy even if I cant have him back. Now that we lost our daug if i lose him too i dont think thats possible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 2:14pm

Hi. Welcome to the boards. I'm sorry you are going through this. Break-ups are the worst. I feel they are sometimes worse than death.

Trust me when I say it does get better. You will heal.

Its good that you and your ex are still talking, but maybe if you two took some time apart without talking for awhile it can help him see what he really wants.

The whole no contact thing is very difficult, but it is possible. I did it for 4 weeks, until I finally called my ex. We are talking again, but just on the phone.

Continue to post on these boards, you'll get lots of help and support.

~Amber~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 2:57pm
Sorry you are feeling so awful. You have definitely been through a lot lately. Losing a child, losing a lover, losing a home....it's a lot. And I agree with you, living with someone for 3 1/2 years is definitely like being married. My relationship of 5 years (3 years living together) just ended a couple of months ago and I feel like I am going through a divorce. It's not easy to hear that the person you love doesn't know how they feel about you anymore. It sounds like this happened after you lost the baby. Maybe he is having hard time dealing with that loss. I would say definitely see if you guys can go back to counseling. If he refuses to go, at least you should go. It's understandable that you would be very depressed with all that has happened. Going to counseling will be very helpful for you. And don't be worried about taking antidepressants. They can be very helpful - you might only need to take them for a short time. You need to try everything that will help you get to a better place. You WILL be happy again, but you need to take care of yourself first.