Could you REALLY go back?
Find a Conversation
Could you REALLY go back?
| Wed, 08-11-2004 - 5:28pm |
Hypothetically speaking, say your ex- sincerely regrets the breakup, confronts their issues, and really wants to work at making it better the 2nd time around.
Could u get back with your ex- AFTER you've already told your friends and family that you two were now apart? AFTER you've cried on their shoulders? AFTER they've given their opinions, etc.?
Could u get back with your ex- AFTER you've already told your friends and family that you two were now apart? AFTER you've cried on their shoulders? AFTER they've given their opinions, etc.?
We write of wanting these people back in our lives, but time has passed, and I'm sure we've expressed our pain to friends and family. This message board is a great resource, but it is also anonymous.
What about those people in our lives who know our stories? How would you handle their comments? Would pride keep you from going back?

Pages
It is less about what you've told other people than about the two of you. The people you love and who love you will accept what you do (while never letting you forget all of the bad stuff they know about him, unfortunately!!) and really, you WANT them to protect you but when it comes down to it, it's about you and he. Pride should NEVER keep you from going after what you want.
I went back twice and am now broken up for the THIRD time. There is a woman on these boards whose husband also left three times, with COUNSELING in between each time he came back and now he is gone again.
So the issue is not, what will your friends and family think, but how much can you bear?
Edited 8/11/2004 9:49 pm ET ET by cabikerchick
~*~Zsa
Now, I have wondered, I guess, about whether all these "bumps" in the road really spoil the fairy tale of your romance, to the point where you'd have trouble explaining the course of your relationship to, say, your grandkids ("grandma and grandpa met and fell in love, and then grandpa got addicted to internet porn and grandma and grandpa entered couples counseling...."), but I'd guess that every seemingly happy relationship has had at least one period of intense crisis, which has been weathered (in whatever way, including separation for some period of time), and it's not something that negates the good times and happy stories. I think it's how you spin it - if you think positively, think of it as the both of you loving each other so much and realizing how strong your love was that you fought to be together and survived a trial together rather than just giving up.
Most couples keep these things private after they reconcile, and most people respect that. I remember my friend's crisis when her husband had an affair, but if she decided to take him back, that's good enough for me and it's not my place to question her choices, I spend time with the both of them now that they're happily re-coupled, and have never alluded to their difficulties. If it happens again, I'm sure I'll be there to offer advice and support. The best proof to me that she made the right choice for her is that she seems to be happy now, and that's all I want for her. I have no vested interest in being "right" or smarter or more critical about her choices, I just want to see her happy, and if what she's doing seems to be getting her there, I'm happy to support her.
I'm sure you're deeply hurt right now ... but for what it's worth, I admire you for taking those vows seriously and trying to make it work. I've never been married before (I was just let go by the man I thought I was going to marry) but I know when I do I will take the vows seriously too.
"Without music, life is a journey through the desert"...
If I felt that I really want to be with my ex again and he felt the same way I would absolutely give us another try. It wouldn´t matter to me what others think because the only thing that matters is that I and him would be happy. He has not done anything why I would not take him back and I have done nothing bad to him- neither have we told anything bad about each other to others so it would be quite easy.. if only we fell in love again..
Katriella
As much as we think we want to be with our ex's again, are we really sure that we can trust them with our hearts AGAIN? This time with other people knowing how much pain that person has caused you.
My EX cheated on me in a very public painful way. It's amazing that sometimes I still think of us getting back together. I have blinders on, only thinking about the good stuff that was there for 7 years, not the bad stuff of the last 4 months. I think the part of me that's really hurt thinks him returning would heal my hurt. But in reality I think him returning would only remind of the hurt every time I'm with him. At least now, without him I'm starting to have periods of time that I don't feel like my guts are being torn out. I just can't imagine letting him back in my life, only to have it happen again..that's devastating. But on the other hand, everybody deserves to make a crazy mistake at some point in their relationships. I think you would have to have alot of faith and strength to try again. I don't know what I'd do. But if I did take him back, my Mom would kick my butt. But ultimately your family and friends just want you to be happy. Only you can decide what makes you happy.
So, the best for me is not to be back together with him again, altough I love the idea of him loving me and always being together, it just wont happen....
I think that counts for a lot of people on this board, dont you?
(there are exeptions, but I do think that once youre at a point that your on this board, its already so far gone wrong........no turning back probably)
Samantha
Pages