The creep is playing mind games!
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| Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:40pm |
Well, last night was very hard for me. The day (yesterday) started off with me calling him, asking him why he never called me and that I was very upset at his lack of concern for our relationship. The previous night he told me he has serious doubts about us (as I posted in my previous message.)He said he would call me when he had time. He did call, but by that time I was already throwing myself into something else and didnt want to talk to him. I didnt call him back for two hours after he called me a few times, and it must have hurt his ego because he emailed me the nasty email I spoke about already, saying he wanted nothing to do with me and that he had to go, it was time to call his former soon-to-be ex-wife. He rubbed it in my face that he was going to make up with her, and accused me that I was probably trying to get back with my ex and that is why I hadnt called him.
I told you all, I called and called him and he finally called me back and was cold and rude, never calling back when I hung up crying hyserically. Well, I couldnt help myself and called him about 15 more times, up until 7PM and he refused to answer. At that point, I told myself I need to pull it together and do the "no contact" rule as some of you suggested. I knew I was getting nowhere fast and he was probably sitting back loving it. Well, after a good cry and 2 percocets, I went to bed and slept all night. When I awoke, I checked my email. He had emailed me at 5AM telling me to quit calling, that he would change his number if I continued. He said there is a good chance he is going back to her, and that I should let him have time to sort his thoughts. He wasnt that nice, but that is what he said in a nutshell.
Today I cried a lot, but I tried to keep busy as much as humanly possible.
Its like, I had decided to quit calling and he had to start up a communication with me, something that would hurt me I guess to get a rise out of me. Just like the day before, I didnt call him after he had called me twice, and he sent me the nasty-gram that he was going to call her up and try to reconcile.
I dont get it...I'm thinking he is playing a mind game with me? I know his intentions are to go back to his wife, but why is he torturing me this way???
Today, after I read his email I sent him one last email and CC'ed it to his wife, brothers and sister. I told them about how cruel he is, the lies he has told, his verbal abuse, and that his wife should seriously think before she takes him back. I told him to get help. I said that I missed a million red flags with him, that when he told his wife about me and that he wanted a divorce, she lay on the ground crying hysterically and all he could say was "I'm in love with her and I'm never coming back so move on..." I even asked him to be easy on breaking it to her that he was leaving, that she would be devasted. So why I was shocked that he had no compassion for me either is beyond me. I just wanted everyone to know the side of him he had disguised, the liar, thief, and selfish human being. I know he had made me out to be a horrible person, and I wanted them to know my side.
His poor wife is a devout Catholic, he was her first love and they have been married 15 years, and she always maintained throughout my relationship with him that he would be back to her once the new-ness of us wore off. She told him for 19 months she would forgive him if he came home and they could work it out. He repeatedly told her he loves me, not her, and that she ran him off. He is accusing me of running him off now...he can't take responsibility for ANYTHING.
I'm totally disappointed in myself for letting us get involved, though I did try to stop it many, many times until the divorces were done but his strong personality intimidated me into staying. He is from New York and has a strong, bull-in-a-china-shop personality (not saying New Yorkers are bad - just he is very strong and can be intimidating.) He aslo at the same time made me feel like a princess, I was gold to him. I cant explain it, but I guess it was all manipulation on his part?
I know this was a blessing in disguise, though I am still feeling very empty and I've cried all day. I ended up changing my email address and phone number because he is the kind of guy that will call me or email me and rub water-softener sized salt in my wounds as he has proven to do when I stop dialing his number fifteen times in two hours.
I know it was for the best, and I have resisted calling him which I'm assuming is why he sent another nasty email???? If that is the case, I feel better because that means it's bothering him that I am not showing signs anymore of hurting and wanting him back.
I think I am going to be able to refrain from contacting him, and I'm so looking forward to getting over him though I know it will take time. I go through moments of thinking about him and all we will never do now, to how much fun we had together, to how much I hate his guts for doing this to me.
I plan on getting counseling, because as much as he hurt me and lied to me and his wife/family, I would probably jump right now if he told me to come back. That right there tells me I need help!! And that is exactly why I changed my email and phone, because I dont want to be tempted again with his lies and manipulative behavior, much less have him beat me down with the details of his reconciliation.
I'll keep posting on my progress, hopefully I can be of help as much as you are to me.

Hun, I don't think he is playing mind games with you...
You called him 15 times in one night. In my opinion, he was not upset that you had stopped, nor was he just trying to get a reaction out of you by writing you that e-mail. He told you that he was probably going back to his ex-wife, and he's already told you that he wants nothing more to do with you. He wrote you that e-mail in order to get you to stop calling him. Period.
I know it's difficult, but you have got to stop obsessing and doing these crazy things! Everybody acts a bit out of character during a breakup, but believe me...this type of behavior will only cause you more pain in the end. I must say, I am quite shocked that you would forward the e-mail you wrote him onto his wife and siblings. I understand that you were very upset and hurting a lot, but wow...I believe that was a big mistake on your part. Your ex will certainly not want anything to do with you now. That was an action driven by pure anger/jealousy...you clearly just wanted revenge; you wanted to cause him as much pain as he's caused you.
I'm not trying to sound harsh, because I know you are hurting and my heart really does go out to you. But I think you are handling all of this the wrong way. Writing him that e-mail and forwarding it to his wife/siblings was not the mature thing to do. Did you honestly feel good about yourself after doing such a thing? How could it possibly help your situation or make you feel any better? It was just an attempt to hurt him.
It's obvious that you are feeling very bitter about what happened, and you have every right to be...but that was a very self-destructive thing to do. It only made YOU look bad. My ex's old girlfriend contacted me once while we were dating and went off about my ex. She told me some very unpleasant things about him, and while some of them were true (I didn't find out until after we broke up), I did not think it was any of her business telling me that. I was quite upset and my ex hated her for doing that. Maybe you thought you were trying to be helpful by informing those close to your ex what a jerk he really is. But 1) they have got to learn that for themselves, and 2) you probably just look like a crazy ex-girlfriend. Your e-mail to them will not be appreciated, I can assure you of that.
I'm sorry you're in so much pain...however, from now on it may be best to just vent out your thoughts in a journal or on this board--not through nasty e-mails to your ex. Maybe it makes you feel better temporarily, but it really only delays your healing. You are smply bringing yourself down. I may sound a bit cruel, but I'm really not trying to be. I just think you made a mistake...but everybody does, and we can all learn from them. I hope you grow stronger from this experience. I wish you the best. Please take this time to focus on yourself and do what makes you happy. Give it time and maintain no-contact...it really helps. Take care of yourself!
P.S. I'm glad you are seeking counseling. Good luck with that.