Crushed :(
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Crushed :(
| Thu, 10-11-2007 - 9:29pm |
Hi there. I'm new to the boards, and finally have found a place to vent and get opinions, other than the ones crammed down my throat by my family.
I'm 23 and am now 3 1/2 months pregnant.


No I can't say I've been through this, but I will say that you are incredibly strong for keeping it together. You and I are the same age, and I can't imagine going through what you're going through right now.
First step, Consult a lawyer. It doesn't matter if he doesn't plan on going to drs appointments and the like, bottomline is that he is by law obligated to pay child support. Find out what your rights are, how much he owes you, what his obligations are. And I'm not 100% certain where you live, but in a lot of states lawyers will do pro bono work if you cannot afford to pay. In ontario, the government subsidizes lawyer and court fees. And again, depending on where you live, if he pushes the case to court and loses, he is responsible for pretty all of your legal fees.
But start there. Your ex sounds like a CHILD. He comes across as being excited about things before the reality and responsibility sets in. Stop inviting him to anything. Sadly, until he himself makes an effort to be a part of that child's life, there's nothing you can do.
Hang in there. Keep us posted.
All the best
Welcome to the board Jaime,
::1. I can't seem to get over him. I keep inviting him to the dr appts in hopes that he'll change, but that hope is slowly changing.
Hi, Jaime!! My heart goes out to you as I was in a similar situation 4 years ago. I can tell what a great woman you are just by the few words you wrote. I cannot offer you an explanation as to his behavior because, well, he's an idiot and those can be rather confusing to us all.
You are about to be a mother and you have NO TIME to wait and eat crap with someone who is NOT WORTH your time or your unborn child's time. Its time to be the strongest you have EVER BEEN!!
Here is my advice to you:
1) Let him go honey!! He is not grown up yet and its possible that he never will be. He already has a 3 year old so he knows what having a child entails. He's a jerk to leave you alone with all that responsibility and not worth your tears. He DOESN'T love you and at this point, I highly doubt that he loves himself or even knows what love is.
2) Work on making yourself happy and bettering your life so that when your baby arrives you will be set! Here are some good ways to boost your self esteem and make him see what a loser he is and how stupid he is for leaving you: Find a new job that pays more, become 150% independent, take up a hobby (or a few hobbies), go to school (if you are not already in), educate yourself as much as possible (book education as well as emotional education), GO TO CHURCH! surround yourself with people who love you and want the best for you, and so forth.... THINK POSITIVE, POSITIVE, POSITIVE!! LEAVE HIM SOOOOO FAR BEHIND that it would be an impossible task for him to catch up to you!
3) Contact a lawyer and have no mercy on him as he has had no mercy on you. Kicking you out of your apartment while you were sick and pregnant with his child! HA! Time to hit him where it hurts!
YOU ARE A WONDERFUL WOMAN!! Loyal, responsible, sweet, and so forth! Any man would be lucky to have you. Just because you are going to have a child now doesn't mean that your value has just decreased! I am living proof. I've attracted many men who are crazy to have me in their life and all because I followed the steps I listed above. When you treat yourself as someone important, people will treat you that way too.
YOU CAN DO THIS! Take charge & let him go! Don't call him & Don't answer his phone call.
OH YEAH!! ONE MORE THING!!
I was together with my son's father for 4 years before I got pregnant & we lived together too.
When this happened to me I thought I was so in love with my son's father and that he was the one for me. The more I distanced myself from him the clearer my thoughts became. I soon realized that he didn't deserve me and I was heartbroken for nothing.
Today, I am the one who doesn't want to be with him and he
It's amazing to me what a little reality does to shed light on a person's true character.
I am so sorry he's put you and your unborn baby through this. I know exactly how you feel; missing and grieving the person he portrayed himself to be in the beginning, this unseen bond you feel toward this man who helped create the child growing within you, reeling from the confusion, shock and dismay at his incredibly selfish actions and wondering how in the world you couldn't see this coming *or* how in the world he could do this not only to *you*, but to the