For cryin' out loud - what does it mean?
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| Sun, 07-02-2006 - 8:08pm |
Okay, so I know this sounds petty - even feels petty - to be thinking about it so much but here goes. Please indulge me.
Last night I logged onto MSN and my ex was there - the message next to his name just said: 'well that's that I guess'. I felt pretty low because it was (yet another) reason to believe he wasn't going to try to win me back but instead was alright with the break-up (my doing by the way).
I had written a message next to my name earlier that day that just says: this sucks.
Then he logs off and I kind of shrug to myself and go about my business. Trying hard not to get more worked over this guy who's already got me so worked I lost 5 lbs this week.
Then I get home this afternoon - he's online again and the message is changed. Right now it says: Save myself from myself... will you?
What the frig? Is this to me? Is he falling apart or freaking out or something and feels this is the only way he can contact me (as I made it pretty damn clear I didn't want to see him again). I can't help but be concerned and want to check that he's okay. Or maybe that's the whole idea - a ploy to make me contact him first. Tomorrow will be one week since the break up and we've had no contact that whole time - unless this counts... I don't know.
Or is it even to me? That would be so super-lame if i emailed him about it and it was intended for someone else entirely. wow. Goodbye dignity.
I'm worried about him - have this bizarre idea of a reconciliation in my head - my sister says to 'delete the f*cker' from my list of contacts and never think of him again. But I can't - I'm not ready to do that yet.
AHHHH! What should I do? I'm worried but don't want to get sucked back into a relationship that was wrong for me in so many ways (also was the best relationship i ever had in ton of ways too...)
I'm so torn and any advice would be appreciated.
L
Edited 7/2/2006 8:58 pm ET by oryx72

Well, based on what you told me yesterday, it doesn't seem like you would have much of a future with this guy given his problems. He also sounds like he's not really ready for a commited relationship which includes intimacy. Do you want to be involved in a relationship like that again? Not saying that if you contact him you'll necessarily get sucked in ... but let's face it, getting over a 5-month relationship is a little easier than getting over a 6-month, or 9-month or one year relationship, don't you think?
You were very clear last night when you told me all the reasons it couldn't work. Now you're feeling weak because basically you love him and wish it could work. I understand that. I think I know exactly where you're coming from because I've been feeling really lousy for the past four days and have contemplated contacting my ex several times. What keeps me from doing it? I play out in my head what would likely happen, and I know it doesn't include a wedding ceremony at the end, not soon enough for me anyway ....
So, what should you do? The best thing would be to delete him. If you can't bring yourself to do that, continue to monitor him if you will ... You may even need to call a few times. Who knows. Just please don't be too hard on yourself. You're not superhuman.