Crying
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| Fri, 11-09-2007 - 4:49pm |
I was telling myself I was okay. I was telling myself I could get through this. Now i get a call from a friend saying that my ex has dropped off a bag of my stuff. Sure I gave him back his stuff first. Sure I reminded my friend to tell him that i wanted my stuff. But now i guess it's really it. He's never coming back to me. I guess the false hope was helping me function a bit, but now I don't even have that. I'm crying and I'm at work and I can't function. I try to dive into work but I end up screwing up. My work is suffering, I have no appetite- i've lost a ton of weight in such a short amount of time (a week). It's really it and now i don't know how I'm going to move on. I used to be so excited for Friday nights because it meant it was our time together. Now I don't have plans. None of my friends are doing anything tonight. So I'm just going to be home all night while my ex is off having fun- and i know he is. People slip up and tell me (we share friends).
When will i be better again?

Depends on you. You can enact all the good advice from getting over break ups and then it will go incredibly fast or you can let the feelings linger. I recommend the first.
But don't worry too much about the weight. Most people fall then gain around 10 lbs aafter a break up - it's mostly water weight. And you know, EVERYBODY thinks (even for a little while) that they won't move on after a break up. It's so not true. You will, because you value yourself and you know you have life to live. And plus, at some point, the pain will lessen - human nature.
Oh yes, and forget what your ex is doing. as hard as it seems at the moment. Having your friends tell you, even as a slip up, isn't doing you any favours.
All the best
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
i find myself asking myself and my friends that same question. everyone i've spoken to just says, "it takes time." yeah, that's infuriating because it's painful, and who wants the pain to linger, right? but i guess we just gotta get used to the idea and after awhile, the shock of it all will fade away. and who knows, maybe in just a few days your opinion of him might have changed as you gain a new perspective on this.
i've tried to do as much as possible to occupy and distract myself. i wouldn't go as far to say it's the "cure," but i suppose the activity hasn't made me sadder, so i see that as progress.
as for the weight loss, that's normal, from what i hear. i lost a lot of weight, too, like 5 pounds in a week or so. try eating soup; i found i wasn't as nauseated when i did that.
can you reconnect with old acquaintances? that's what i've started to do as i've tried to beef up my weekends more.
Hi Ming,
I'm sorry you're going through this. Keep reading the discussions on this board and the resources posted below. I have printed a lot of the articles and put them in a duotang that I take back and forth from home to work. If I'm having a 'sucky' moment, I read the insights and wisdom about how to heal from a break-up.
It is true to a certain extent that 'time heals all wounds', but that's not entirely true. During this time you have to take action to dig deep within yourself and heal the wounds. If you're just using this time to keep busy in order to avoid feeling the pain (to distract you from it), the healing process is going to take that much longer and you won't be able to have healthy relationships in the future. I agree that you shouldn't wallow in the pain and self pity, but you just can't expect it to magically 'go away' without addressing it. Feeling the pain is uncomfortable and unpleasant, but it needs to be done in order for you to grow and restore a your peace within yourself.
It's going on Day 15 of NC for me, and it's still hour by hour. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm mad, sometimes I'm sad. But if I find that I'm getting "stuck" on
I too was there just like you are at this moment. I too cried him a river, more like an ocean.
On the day of my break-up the morning was sunny and by the time we were coming back home to say one final goodbye it was raining and I told him "do you think all of these rain drops are the same amount of tears we both have cried today?" That moment I truly felt like the whole world knew how much pain I was in, and I too felt like how can I ever move on?
Life is not fair, and it truly sucks. But the beauty of Life is that we have to believe it gets better :) Maybe not in five minutes it will get better but eventually it does.
I know its hard to just go about life and doing every day stuff.
I know its even harder to think 'wow its finally over' and as far as the things go well I don't know how much you might need those things but if you want my advice just tell your friend to throw them away. The reason I say that is because in my case it would be torture to see all of my stuff that was at his place and it will just bring more memories and to be quite honest I just don't feel like crying him another ocean. The day after the break-up I deleted his #, his pics, anything that I had of him on my cell, threw away his t-shirts, and all the stuff that he gave to me I just went on a rampage and threw it out. The next day at work I also did the same, threw away the pics that I had of him on my desktop and souvenirs that he bought me from his going aways and on the computer I went ahead and put all his pics into a personal flashdrive (because I believe that one day I can truly look at them again and not get all angry and sad). So I did all of that because its how that saying goes "out of sight, out of mind". He on the other hand never returned my stuff and although I do miss some of my things, I just remember and tell myself they are items, just plain items and I can definately live without them. So, if he ever returned them I would just throw them out, I have no need for them. I don't know if you will ever go to that extreme but sometimes it works....
And as far as Friday night goes, I too know the feeling, believe me I do. On fridays after work I would go to his place and I would stay there the whole entire weekend til Sunday evening, and know well its been really hard but I have to remind myself that I don't need him and I don't want him and that all of this is was finalized for a reason, a reason that I yet still don't quite understand but its over and I have to make the best of what I have. So what I have been doing is planning my weekends ahead of time and having a plan 'A' and a plan 'B' just in case. Only you can choose to feel alone, and you know your not so don't forget that.
My break up will be one month on this Wed. and I'm so nervous because I think its been 4 weeks of been single, 4 weeks that he has not called and will never call, 4 weeks of starting all over, 4 weeks of a new beginning.
And I too think that he's probably having fun and he probably doesn't even remember me or he never probably cared, but bottom line is that he doesn't matter anymore. He is not part of my life anymore, and your ex is not a part of your life anymore. So when ever you think of him having fun or whatever just stop yourself and remember that it no longer matters, he's in the past and you have to move on and its only about you, you are the most important person in your life especially your heart.
Time does cure wounds, but its your job to not pick it at your wounds and its also your job to get better. And today at work try your best to think of happy thoughts and of your future and especially keep reminding yourself that there is hope, it does exist :)
Take Care.
Floridian Chic