Curious Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Curious Question
3
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 12:33pm
Okay, so you can humor me, as I KNOW I shouldn't be dissecting and over-analyzing words an ex has said to you, but here is the short story of it all...we dated for 7 months, I wanted a commmitment, and he wasn't ready for it. Because of that, we also encountered a lot of communication problems and it was very hard for us to see eye-to-eye with a lot of things. He still wants to be friends, and he knows I may have a harder time with it, as I think my feelings for him are stronger than his for me. But I told him it would be hard, as I felt the main reason why we didn't work out was because he wasn't a very good friend to begin with, and I just wanted to know if he was ever even interested in "ME". He said, "I was interested in you. I still am interested in you." What does that mean? Interested as just a friend? I think that's basically what it means, but I guess I would just like to hear your insights. Thanks. Oh, and it was his idea to not date each other anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
In reply to: eagdolph
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:45pm
Hi there,

I guess it sounds like he *is* interested in you....whether it be on a friend/romantic level - but that he knows he can't deliver on the type of commitment you are seeking. Thus, the "I'm interested in you" is a reflection of the fact that he likes you (as a friend/possibly more), but can't act on it, due to the circumstances.

Just my 2 cents.....!!

Mel :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
In reply to: eagdolph
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:02pm
Thanks for your response, Mel. I greatly appreciate it. =)

Of course, who knows what he really means. Sometimes when I get really pessimistic, I feel like he is playing games with me. And he did mention that he feels I have a lot of expectations but has doubts as to whether or not he can deliver. But then we talk about "us" to death and I think he finds it as a huge turn off. But, I am the one who usually does all the contacting, as I know I shouldn't, and I am even the one who acts more like a true friend. Well, when I asked if he is going to just move on he says it's for the best for the both of us, and when I ask if he is going to date others, he responds by saying, "eventually." So that pretty much sounds like it's over to me, but then he goes and says other things that seems to give me a false sense of hope, and that's the part that just drives me crazy as I think about things to death in a million different angles. Oh well, I know what I need to do...move on, but it's kind of hard to when your heart is still with someone, even though his heart isn't with me. =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
In reply to: eagdolph
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:41pm
This is why you should have a period of time without contact with him, and why it's too soon to be friends. Of course, it's hard to move on when your heart is still with him. And as long as you're fragile and vulnerable, you're going to be misinterpreting and analyzing to death every little thing he says or does for a clue as to whether he wants to get back with you. It's torture, and completely pointless. I'm a believer in letting people feel the consequences of their actions. Think of it that way - he chose to end it with you, the consequence of his choice is that you're not in his life anymore for comfort or support. You don't have to accept the "consolation prize" of friendship, and it's not best for you in the long run. People who feel guilty for leaving generally want to force friendship on you to make themselves feel better. Why make him feel better? He should feel the full extent of the loss of you, as well as feel his guilt for leaving. Just be an instrument of cosmic justice, just enforce the decisions he made. Don't be the one chasing after him, talking about a relationship, talking about possibilities, you're a safety net to him and it's not really consistent with your pride. Just hold your head up, tell yourself it's his loss, and cut off all contact. You should not be in contact with him unless/until you are comfortable with him "moving on" and dating other girls.