"Curtain Call"Appreciate Your Input!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
"Curtain Call"Appreciate Your Input!
4
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 10:33pm

Hi All,

Thanks again to all those who have written with advice and support. My confirmations of typical CP behaviour are now proving more prophetic.

This morning I received a "curtain call" in the form of an email to my work. This is unusual because for the last month we've been exchanging rather blunt emails to our personal accounts about our "feelings" about the relationship and each other.

The work email is a kind of attempt to the breezy familiarity and intimacy we once shared.

The email is typical of CP curtain calls---non-commital but strikes right at my own heart-strings...

Here is is...It opens with a greeting using our nickname for each other and contains a flyer for an upcoming concert related to our dance club then goes:
This is for your information only. Guess you may be interested.

You don't need to avoid me, am I not even 'seenworthy' ?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My first instinct was to write: "Go with your new boyfriend"....

But that's only provoking the kind of angry resentment a CP needs to retreat. It only confirms for her that I still want her and care for her.

For the last month I have been avoiding her.

Should I reply? or just delete? What does this mean? I started the day on a calm note and now I'm left with dozens of questions. But there's nothing in here about reconiliation, about fixing the problems, and besides, is she going to bring her new bf to this event?

For those reading this wondering..."Lucky guy she's reaching out...." please think again. Far from being a blessing, this is only leaving more doubts....

I'd really like some insights in to whether I should just ignore and keep up NO CONTACT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 11:09pm
Hello, I have been keeping up on your story. I am going through a break-up myself. I find that if he contacts me and I talk to him... All the progress I make goes down the drain. Do you really feel like its a good idea to respond to her? You have already stated how she has been acting.... Ask yourself. Is this behavior going to change? Probably not. Allow yourself to heal. How is going to her with this going to help any? It's not. It's going to make you think that maybe there is hope yet. Remind yourself to be so strong that you will not let this phase you. Don't go to the thing. Go out with your friends... Go to a play... Do something. Trust that God knows whats best for you. Hope this helps... This thinking has started to help me cut the tie.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 11:10pm

Ignore it, and block her if you can. You've told her that you need a period of no contact so you can move on, and she is disrespecting you by continuing to contact you.

I know you've been re-reading HSSS and it sounds like it's helping, but you need to commit pages 316-317 to memory and take them to heart if you're going to move on. If you don't let go (and what letting go means is spelled out on those 2 pages), all the insight in the world as to what she's doing and why isn't going to do you one bit of good.

It doesn't matter why she's doing it. It's over and you're moving on. That's what counts.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 12:29am

Thanks Sheri,

It's soooooooooo seductive and I'd like to point out and deconstruct this for readers to prepare for these types of overtures.

Read the note...it's intimate without any real substance. It reaches out and is manipulative makes me feel guilty if I don't reply because how could I not see her as "seenworthy"? That would be mean, I'd be horrible to ignore her.

What's more important is what's not in it: no apology, no acknowledgment that her behavior was hurtful and that she would like to find a way to get past it, no mention of whether she'll go and whether new bf will accompany. Maybe it's a test to see whether I will go so she can determine whether or not to ask new bf and put him on display for the club.

NO CONTACT is for YOU to heal, NOT to punish them. They don't care. I'm now only attractive because I'm not available. I'm a challenge. I'm a mystery. I'm a project. But I'm not a person, I"m not a friend.

My only response...and it's to vent on this board would be:

"I don't need false hopes or reunion fantasies, I want a real relationship. If you don't want that, please leave me alone."

But....I did write this several years back when I received a similar "curtain call" from ANOTHER "curtain caller" who disappeared on me. Her response was defensive and hurt....."Sorry, just trying to be friendly, forget it then..."

There is no response that will help resolve the situation in a way that you would find nourishing, so don't respond.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 9:26am

Ignore it, ignore her and move on. Blunt, and maybe 'rude', but like you said - NO CONTACT IS FOR YOU TO HEAL! No where is it written that you have to be NICE to that person!

Block her email, block her phone number, and find a new circle of people to be active with. She's not worth your time and is only tormenting you further.

Good luck!