cut him off or keep in touch?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
cut him off or keep in touch?
5
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 4:45pm
my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, he had just broken up with me. He just doesn't feel the same way for me as he once did. I understand and I am trying to accept that our relationship is over but there is one important gift that he has given me, a baby. I am pregnant, I love him still and I feel as if I will never stop. I feel like I hate him because he wants me to move on without him and I can't. The baby is due in Dec. He says he loves me "only because of the baby". I feel like disappearing and running from him, no contact. I do that everytime I get hurt in a relationship. That I don't deserve thier crap. Thats not fair for the baby I know, I just can't deal with him letting me go because in my eyes if he doesn't care for me then he doesn't care about me having his baby. Thats wrong I know but I want to leave him for good...how do i deal with this???
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 10:25pm
Wow this is a tough one!

I feel that the baby ismore important right now then he is. You must take care of yourself and the baby. He is not important! Let go with love and concentrate on your baby! WHAT A JERK!

Lean on family and friends now. There are many single moms out there doing just fine. What kind of life would you have with such an insensitive jerk? Or you baby, what kind of father figure is he?

I know this is hard however you will be okay and this will pass.

Good Luck and God Bless you both!

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 3:05am
Oh Lee! I'm so sorry that you've got to deal with this difficult situation. Does he want to be involved with the baby? Is he going to pay some child support? Can you find a way to let him have time with the child without your being present? Many people on this board have discovered that it's really hard to get over someone and heal while you're still seeing them. NC is really the quickest and healthiest way to get over someone ... but the fact that you have a baby due is going to make that a little bit harder for you.

I can understand the impulse to want to run and deny him any rights where the child is concerned. If you feel you can do that then by all means, go ahead. But just make sure you have enough support to get you through the rest of the pregnancy and the childbirth ... If it will make you feel better to go it alone, by all means, give him the boot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 1:07am
He has called and told me that he still loves me, that he is hurt and still hurting..he says he has a love and hate feeling for me. I love him and I want him back and its not just for the baby, but for me too. He wants a reason, one good reason why he shouldn't move on without me. An I love you isn't enough...I need to think of one really good reason why he should stay with me, what do I tell him?
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 6:12pm
Any man who needs you to give him a reason to stay isn't worth keeing, in my book. He should stay with you because he wants to, not make you think up reasons. That's childish and immature. Think about it. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who can tell you every day why he loves you? Who knows why he wants to be with you? So the premise, that he won't stay unless you can give him a reason is reason enough to reject him as far as I'm concerned ...

Even if it weren't, the fact that you can't come up with a reason should tell you something, no? You can do better, Lee, for yourself and for your baby.


Edited 10/18/2004 6:13 pm ET ET by iamdelightful

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 6:56pm
So very sorry for you. These things happen to the best of us.

When men and women date, they do so in hopes that the one they are dating is the 'one'. But unfortunately as they continue to date, one or the other finds that he or she hasn't found the 'one'. When this happens, it only means that they haven't found their 'type'. That person who has to bear the grief of rejection, can be a wonderful person, but just isn't the 'one' for the one they love.

In time, if you get out and meet other people, you will come across a guy who thinks that you are his type. He will think you are the most wonderful person he has looked for for so long. So you must not give up, for if you do, you will never find the 'one' for you.

You might have to go through a few more rejections, but don't give up.

Hon, you are not alone in your grief, we have all experienced rejection from the opposite sex. Keep your chin up.

It is too bad that you got pregnant and now have to bring your baby up alone. It will take special courage to bring up a child, but you can do it. I hope that you have family to help you. If the father of your child, wants to see his baby, let him. It will be good for your baby to get to know his daddy.

Wishing you much luck and happiness.