dated neighbor, broke up
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| Mon, 11-29-2004 - 8:17am |
I know you shouldn't date neighbors or co-workers but this time it felt so right,
So, I dated my neighbor for 3 months and felt like he was so right for me.
We were together 24/7 and when we weren't, he called me 5 times a day and I felt so special. Then he dropped me cold turkey and went back to his ex girlfriend.
Not only that, but she moved in with him but has since moved out.
He and this ex have a history of breaking up and problay will again, which is when I hope he'll come back to me. She has moved out, and since he's my neighbor, I can tell when he goes to see her, which hasn't been that often.
What I need help with, is he's my neighbor. It's bad enough to force myslef not to call or email, but i also have to stop looking for his car or plannng to run into him.
He still wants to be friends and I don't know how to do that because I feellike he's
saying that I'm not good enough to be his girlfriend, but I'm still a nice person to be around blah blah.
How do I put him out of my mind when I see his comings and goings every day.
When I don't see his car, I get nuts because he's with her. I keep trying to accidently run into him. I don't want to date other guys right now, because I still want him. I know it was only 3 months, but still we had a good connection. He and the ex/current have something too, but there is something else that makes them break up.
How do I stop obcessing when he's always right under my nose?
Thanks to all who reply.

Yikes, the neighbor situation sounds really uncomfortable ... sending some good thoughts your way! My best advice is to keep as busy as possible, including spending time with friends and meeting/dating other men. I think that is the best way to deal with the jealous/uncomfortable feelings. (Now if I could only take my own advice!).
Good luck to you!
Trish
Hello, sorry about the neighbor situation, that will definitely make things more difficult, but not impossible. I think you need to examine why on earth would you WANT to be back with him? Face the hard fact that he USED you for his own gratification while "in-between" episodes with his ex. He gives every indication he will continue this pattern. Do you LIKE the idea of being in a dysfunctional love triangle? Have you considered the consequences of the girlfriend finding out about YOU? Some women would scratch your eyes out or trash your car! Want to court that kind of retaliation?
Yes, I'll bet it was absolute heaven for three months. That seems to be a pretty consistent time period for the "high" in a new relationship...then life happens. I once heard this relationship "high" compared to drugs. It can be an amazing, even life-altering experience. But when you come off the drugs, you now have an addiction to that high. Like a junkie, you start behaving in abnormal, unreasonable ways in order to get your drug back. Even though the voice of reason in your head is sending a clear message to "STOP!", you can't because you're hooked. Even though you know it will be destructive to your life and health, you don't care because you're hooked. This comparison helped me a lot in (mostly)getting over my own cheating live-in boyfriend. As long as I allowed even an occasional phone call, I was allowing another "taste" of my drug back in my life...then I needed it desperately again.
No contact helped immensely...it was kind of like the equivalent of being put in a padded cell with a straight-jacket on. The withdrawal was hell, but I emerged free of my addiction. Yes, this will be more difficult in your situation. Fill up your life with activities you find personally enjoyable, take a class, re-connect with positive friends, concentrate on improving your career. Although it may sound extreme, don't overlook the possibility of moving. If you discovered you were living next door to an ex-convict or a rapist, etc...you'd probably get the heck out of Dodge, right? This guy is a NEGATIVE neighbor, one you should get away from ASAP. We DO live in America and we are a very restless and mobile people...constantly moving, changing jobs, etc. Take advantage of it. Even just the act of going out and looking at new apartments is healthy. Gets your mind thinking in new ways and maybe you'll spot one with a prettier view, a larger kitchen, a swimming pool or ??. You aren't condemned to stay in one spot...you can change your situation if you choose to. Good luck...
P.S. Read "He's Scared, She's Scared" and "Why Men Love Bitches" you'll be glad you did!