Day 1 of Break-up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
Day 1 of Break-up
5
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 1:07am

Hi, All.

Last night, my boyfriend of 15 months broke up with me on the couch which I am now laying on as I write this message. I am devestated. I'd seen the break-up coming for a few weeks, maybe even month, and I tried to address the problem by asking my boyfriend *repeatedly* if he still wanted to be with me and if he was still happy in our relationship. He always responded yes to both. Clearly, the fact that I continued to ask meant that I was still unsure. The last time I asked was the night before he broke up with me. I also broached the subject of moving-in together and going away for a weekend together. He agreed to the weekend-away, but seemed less agreeable to moving in together.

As a result, by the time he got to my place last night, I was getting nervous again that there was a breakup coming. But, the first thing he did was get into my shower (as he'd just been to the gym), as if it was any other normal evening... so then, I start to relax, thinking things are ok. But, I'm still upset about the issue of moving-in. By the time, he's done with his shower, I'm on the couch crying. Clearly this is not a healthy relationship... right? But, of course, despite that, I feel devestated today (24 hours after the breakup and counting...). I can barely eat or sleep. I go from crying and wondering where things went wrong to being hopeful that a better relationship awaits me to depressed that I know it'll be a while before I'm ready for that better relatonship.

I wanted to share my story, so I can commiserated with others who are feeling the deep lows, undercertaintly, insecurity and pain I am right now. I believe this will get better for all of us in time, but until then, I would love to hear your story, as I beleieve that sharing meaks us stronger.

Good luck to all of you. You are great and deserve to heal and find wonderful relationships!

--hurtingbutstrong


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 3:11am
After reading this I guess there were some signs that my man was leaving me, he would always comment on my hair when it was not perfect or a blemish on my skin. I shold have prepared myself better so I would not be sitting here hurt over this situation that probably sounds so silly to all of you. Your hope for a better relationship in the future gives me hope too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 7:54am

It sounds to me that you were aware of the signs that this was coming. That helps protect you a bit. I'm so sorry.

The end of your relationship was very similar to mine. I, too, saw it coming for about a month and asked twice about what was wrong. I begged him to talk to me.....

But I was the one, in the end, to break things off because I knew our relationship wasn't healthy all along. This was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back....the fact that he couldn't communicate with me and always avoided any important "talking" of any kind.

I'll be thinking about you....hugs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:08am

My now ex boyfriend of 3 weeks did the same thing, I asked him repeatedly if he didnt love me anymore if he wanted to end it for months, he always kept saying, no I love you, theres no one else, when he couldve ended it months ago he continued to let me bond with his family and his friends and his life and I am so angry for that, that he got to move on and begin to accept it without telling me months before. And we did live together and believe me that makes it worse, sleeping next to someone every night who you can feel doesnt want to be there and when you try to talk about it rolls over and says your crazy. So it went on like that for months, me knowing he didnt want to be there, which made him moody and nasty to me at times, even his family began to notice a moodiness in him, which now I see was because we wanted out and didnt know how to do it and was frustrated and angry all the time. So I did it for him, of course hoping in the back of my mind he would say no way I love you, but he didnt, we havent spoken for 3 weeks and I hear he is with someone else, I still second guess myself everyday if I did the right thing which is why I am going to a counselor on monday so I can move on past my doubts.

Kathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:11am

Tis a very sad time, we all know. But one concern I have is your voice something pertaining to your appearance. Surely you do not think this was the cause of your relationship's demise? We all have blemishes. We all have bad hair days. A break up has to go beyond that.

Take time to heal. Come here as often as you need and surround yourself with peace and love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 10:18am

The day you had yesterday is hopefully the hardest day you'll have in the healing process - and it's over now. That doesn't mean today is going to be easy by any means, but hopefully you are at least able to eat something, and you are reaching out which is good. Tell your story to anyone who will listen - I found each time I told it, I gained new perspectives which ultimately have really helped me understand how I am feeling.

I was the one who broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months about 2 months ago. I wasn't 100% happy, and couldn't figure out exactly why. It was the toughest conversation I ever had to have, and I was bawling as I did it. I am still sad many times, wishing that I could feel that it was right, because maybe we could have gotten married, etc. and that is what I really want. We are still in contact, although he lives 200 miles away now. Sometimes, I really enjoy our chats, and sometimes it breaks my heart all over again. I really have no interest in dating right now, I've been pouring my energy into my job, a class, exercise, etc.

Hang in there - it sounds like you have an optimistic view of life, which will help you enormously as you get through this. Take care!