Day 1 - It's so hard! & was I too hasty?
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| Fri, 01-06-2006 - 10:09pm |
I'm 26 and I broke up with my boyfriend of 6+ years last night. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I love him very much. He is so kind and supportive. We barely ever fought and seemed to want the same things out of life. We had moved in together right out of college, but by June of '05 the relationship was getting stagnant and we were both guilty of being co-dependent when it came to certain things. When I finally forced the "where is this going" talk, he said that he loved me very much, but he was just not sure about the direction of the relationship. He thought that living alone would force each of us to find our independence, but he wanted to continue dating and try to get things back to the way they were. I resisted moving apart at first, but in retrospect I agree that it was the right thing to do because I've grown a great deal. Since the move, I have given 100% as far as growing as an individual and bettering the relationship.
Things went surprisingly well since then (a few bumps in the road initially, as I was adjusting to life on my own) but overall, we were doing great. We were having a great time together, going on dates and trips, and having fun. However, in the back of my mind, I was still insecure that he wasn't sure about us.
Flash forward to a few days ago. I figured that since it had been 6 months and things seemed to be going well, I would test the waters. Long story short, when I basically asked if I was "The One" he was still unsure. I knew that I couldn't keep waiting for him to figure it out, and last night I ended it. It was a tearful and devastating departure for both of us. He said that I was beautiful and perfect and he couldn't understand why he couldn't commit to me. At one point he slapped his head as tears streamed down his face and said "I know I am an idiot, this is insane. I love you so much, you are my best friend, and you are so perfect. I just need some time to get my sh*t together".
So now I am stuck. I wish I could say that I want to move on, but so much of me hopes that he will wake up and realize that he's made a mistake and want me back. I know that I'm just setting myself up for more heartache though. I also keep wondering if I just should have been patient and waited for him to get through whatever it is he is going through.
If anyone out there has any thoughts or words of inspiration, it would be very helpful. I'm just heartbroken.

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